3 Ways Healthy Relationships Help Heal Trauma

Do you ever feel like you need a friend’s support? But then stop yourself from reaching out?

For all of us, healthy relationships matter. In fact, deep relationships are essential to being a healthy human being. For trauma survivors—or those who are experiencing or have experienced post-partum depression or mood disorders (which is also trauma)—the act of deepening relationships can be particularly difficult.

Reaching out in a time of need or asking for help doesn’t come easily to those who have experienced trauma in their lives. Something (seemingly) simple like accepting a compliment may be painfully hard. But the ability to move past these fears and hesitations is crucial on the road to living a full and balanced life.

Today, I want to talk about what might be keeping you from deepening your relationships and what to do about it.

• Do you have the temptation to hunker down and handle it yourself?
• Do you feel like nobody will get it?
• Do you feel ashamed or weak—like you don’t deserve support or compassion?
• Is there a self-protector part inside you who says: “I’m going to withdraw and stay safe so you don’t hurt me”?
• Do you feel like you are supposed to just deal with it yourself?

If these questions feel true … if these doubts or voices creep up … I’m asking you to think about saying to yourself:

I deserve deep relationships. I deserve to be cared for and nurtured. I deserve compassion. People care about me—and it’s healthy to lean on them and ask for help when I need it.

Here are three tips to help you move forward into deeper relationships:

1. Know that having healthy relationships can repair old emotional wounds.

Healthy relationships can heal old attachment wounds. (Kelly Clarkson’s song, Piece by Piece, is a current and heartwarming example.) If you grew up without secure attachment or weren’t nurtured, it can become what you expect from others or your relationships as you grow. As I spoke about in loving a trauma survivor,

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