We often trap ourselves in a world of absolutes, constricting our perspectives with all-or-nothing thinking. This rigid mindset limits creativity, problem-solving, and our ability to connect with others. One powerful way to break free is by adopting a "Yes, and" approach—an intentional shift that fosters complexity, understanding, and innovation.
Paradoxical vs. Dichotomous Thinking
A paradox is something that appears contradictory but is, in fact, true. In contrast, dichotomous thinking divides everything into rigid, opposing categories—good or bad, success or failure, right or wrong.
We often try to force situations into either-or choices, but the reality is rarely so clear. Consider how we talk about diet—labeling certain foods or diets as "bad" and others as "good." But nutrition is complex and highly individualized, making stark divisions misleading at best. Life itself rarely fits into neat categories; it is uncertain, ever-changing, and full of complexity.
When we become rigid in our thinking, we prevent ourselves from seeing alternative perspectives, understanding others, or acknowledging that we might not have all the necessary information (we probably don’t). This rigidity isn’t intentional—stress, trauma, and cognitive overload can push us toward dichotomous thinking, making it harder to recognize alternative solutions.
In the workplace, either-or thinking manifests with thinking like:
"That’s not my job."
"Nobody ever listens to me."
"Nothing ever works out for me."
“This organization is terrible.”
“This organization is amazing.”
These statements exemplify dichotomous either-or thinking—a mental pattern that categorizes experiences in extremes and carries significant drawbacks. In this state, also sometimes referred to as black-and-white thinking, only two opposing options or explanations exist, drastically limiting creative solutions. When solutions are hindered, negotiations also suffer, as middle-ground solutions do not arise.
With either-or thinking, we easily put people in categories and are unable to see the complexities of ourselves or others. We’re unable to recognize growth, restricting potential. Lastly, either-or thinking can lead you to expect either perfection or failure. An inability to see gradients in performance can overload expectations, create unrealistic pressures, and lead to overwhelm.
The Power of "Yes, and" Thinking
Luckily, there is a simple linguistic shift that can shift your mindset. Responding with the phrase “yes, and” can move you out of confining, either-or thinking.
If you find yourself stuck in an always-never mindset or believing that something is either perfect or ruined, shifting your vocabulary can shift your perspective.
"Yes, and" thinking expands your options in two ways.
Idea generation. Using a “yes, and” approach promotes creative thinking and concept development. Rather than shutting down the flow of ideas or energy, “yes, and” encourages innovation.
Complex thinking. “Yes, and” guides us into more multi-faceted approaches. A powerful antidote to dichotomous thinking is to ask, “What information might I be missing? What possibilities am I not seeing?”
Recognize that two opposing truths can exist; two people with different opinions can both be right.
35 “Yes, and” Phrases to Embrace Paradox
To help you break free from binary thinking, here are 35 powerful "Yes, and" reframes:
Yes, change is exhausting. And, staying the same isn’t always the best option.
Yes, this challenge feels insurmountable. And, what incremental change can we begin today?
Yes, that hiring decision is final. And, what do I have control over?
Yes, this feedback feels harsh. And, what kernel of truth might be valuable here?
Yes, that person frustrates you. And, what positives do they bring to the team?
Yes, you felt you communicated clearly. And, your team didn’t understand it.
Yes, your client is resistant to change. And, they’re doing the best they can right now.
Yes, that meeting could have been an email. And, some people needed the discussion to process.
Yes, you got passed up for a promotion. And, what unexpected opportunity might be emerging?
Yes, this conflict feels painful. And, what common ground can we identify?
Yes, you disagree with that decision. And, you can still support it professionally.
Yes, your perspective is valid. And, so is theirs.
Yes, you’re under pressure to move quickly. And, slowing down might lead to better results.
Yes, you’ve worked here a long time. And, there’s always more to learn.
Yes, you may be overqualified for this task. And, it’s still important to do it well.
Yes, this team member sees the job differently. And, what unique strengths do they bring?
Yes, you’re frustrated by leadership decisions. And, they are juggling factors you may not see.
Yes, this policy seems restrictive. And, what protective intentions might be behind it?
Yes, you worked really hard on that project. And, your supervisor still has feedback.
Yes, this process is frustrating. And, what small improvements can we make right now?
Yes, this client’s behavior is challenging. And, what underlying needs might be driving their actions?
Yes, you're feeling overwhelmed. And, what small act of self-care can you practice today?
Yes, your colleague works differently. And, their method is also effective.
Yes, this budget cut is significant. And, how can we innovate with what we have?
Yes, this intervention didn’t go as planned. And, what valuable insights did we gain?
Yes, change is uncomfortable. And, what opportunities might it create?
Yes, you feel like you've failed. And, what have you learned to build resilience?
Yes, this client’s trauma response is difficult. And, what strength does their survival demonstrate?
Yes, this system has flaws. And, how can we work within it while advocating for improvement?
Yes, you feel this mistake is unforgivable. And, how can it become a learning moment?
Yes, this project feels overwhelming. And, what small, achievable step can we take now?
Yes, this relationship feels strained. And, what fundamental respect can we maintain?
Yes, this goal seems impossible. And, what resources might shift our approach?
Yes, you feel undervalued. And, what inherent worth do you know about yourself?
Yes, growth happens steadily. And, sometimes we need to relearn the basics.
Final Thoughts
If you're looking for one small thing you can take back to your team to move towards a more trauma-informed work environment today, here's my advice. Break free from the constraints of either/or thinking. Embrace complexity. Expand your vocabulary, and you'll expand your perspective. Resist the urge to categorize things as good or bad, perfect or ruinous.
When we resist either-or thinking and embrace complexity, we open doors to richer conversations, stronger relationships, and more creative solutions.
Next time you find yourself thinking in absolutes, try a "yes, and" reframe—and see how your perspective expands.
Grounding in executive functioning, embracing complexity, and seeing multiple perspectives are fundamental to trauma-informed approaches. At Chefalo Consulting, we use “yes, and” every day at work! "Embrace Paradox" is one of the six core group norms we use in every workshop session.
For more helpful phrases, read: Trauma-Informed Phrases I Use Every Day as a Trauma-Informed Consultant
To help avoid either-or thinking, read: 15 Tools to Stay in Your Executive Functioning
Comments (0)