A few thoughts on being resilient

Former Member 1/18/152:35 PM

I don’t believe that we’re born resilient. I believe each one of us has the capacity to become resilient. But our parents, siblings, extended family and community can either give us resilience or reduce our resilience.

In one of the videos from the Academy on Violence and Abuse ACEs DVD, Dr. Frank Putman shows slides demonstrating that, as ACEs increase, "you overwhelm the child's capacity for resilience."

Dr. Ann Masten, an important resilience researcher, says that, as a result of her research, she does not believe that resilience is an inborn characteristic. She also has a Coursera course that will be starting in February (https://www.coursera.org/course/resilienceinchildren) where you can learn more about resilience in trauma. I highly recommend the course to all ACEs Connection members.

I also believe that resilience is like a muscle. You can strengthen your resilience, just as you strengthen a muscle. There is a nice EdX course on increasing your resilience "Becoming a Resilient Person”, which is produced by the University of Washington.

Some of us who score high on ACEs and low on resilience may feel as if we are failing. Without those resilience-building factors early in life — especially an early attachment to SOMEONE — we need to exercise hard and diligently to build attachments…WHICH IS SOMETHING THAT I CAN ATTEST TO …. IS REALLY HARD TO DO!!!!

But we aren’t failures, not at all!!!!!!! Just get on the treadmill of resilience-building and one of the best exercises to do, if you don't already, is to start building relationships.

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Jane StevensPublisher, ACEsTooHigh; founder, PACEs Connection

Yes -- here's how you can send a private message to a member:

https://www.pacesconnection.com/...nd-a-private-message

Cheers, J.

2/1/151:07 PM

Darlene HallMember

Many thanks, Jane.

I was puzzled and had no luck trying to find it. Guess that’s because I am a new participant in ACEs—still getting the hang of things. Is there any way to reply to someone personally instead of posting to everyone?

2/1/151:04 PM

Jane StevensPublisher, ACEsTooHigh; founder, PACEs Connection

Darlene -- You can find the resilience questions that pediatricians in Portland, OR, use in the story about how pediatricians screen for ACEs. They're also on the ACEsTooHigh.com site, under the tab Got Your ACE Score?, after the ACE survey.

1/31/157:36 PM

Former Member

Hi Christine

I would ask Jane your questions. I probably don't understand what you were asking very well but I wanted to let you know, I saw your blog on "Why survivors need each other". I really liked it. I hope that's okay to say. Thanks Tina

1/31/155:21 PM

Former Member

Hi Christine,

I know this site cannot promote politics - funding. Jane can discuss that more. I know there have been so many times here I just wanted to be open, honest, authentic about who I am. However that can get pretty heavy and I think scary because these groups aren't private and the thought of being judged for what someone did to you is painful to me. The best and really only group I have found (and you can start local chapters which is a PLUS) is ASCA (adult survivors of child abuse) and they have a free "survivor to thriver Manuel" you can work through online through threads and topics. The stuff can get really heavy and intense though... Sometimes so deep 4 me, I have to walk away for awhile.

if anyone knows of other such resources please let me know. I am sure many of our members could benefit.
I think the link will take you to a discussion page so you can get an idea of what ASCA is like. Tina

http://www.ascasupport.org/phpBB2/index.php

http://www.ascasupport.org

1/31/157:04 AM

Darlene HallMember

Tina Marie.

Thanks for your reply. It is gratifying that you found the report we wrote to be useful. I would be pleased to help Jane in any way I can to help dispel the array of myths surrounding resilience. That was a major goal in writing the report.

1/27/153:15 PM

Former Member

Originally Posted by Darlene Hall:

2 comments-
Seeing resilience as a process, not as a set of traits, can be immensely empowering. When we focus too much on individual traits it can be like blaming the victim if s/he is unable to overcome adversity. Demonstrating resilience is context specific. We may respond with resilience in one context, but not another. No matter how strong an individual is physically, cognitively and emotionally, if needed external supports are not accessible or are not appropriate within a certain cultural context, the individual may not be able respond with resilience to an overwhelming adversity (e.g., If there is no food or shelter after a flood, a person might still die). Professor Michael Ungar at Dalhousie U addresses these issues in depth in his publications.

Also, I wonder if you could provide a little more information about which link you are referring to when you speak about questions being used to access ACEs in parents. I was unable to see what link you were referring to when you asked to address your questions in more detail since you will be visiting with an MD using this measure this weekend. Was it something on RIRO's website or elsewhere? And were you addresssing the question to me or someone else?

Thx

I read the entire RIRO paper on your website and I have to say it is comprehensive and doesn't make folks like me feel like failures. W/resilience as a process, context specific, moving overtime and not a trait owned or possessed, I feel it has been put in words what I knew in my gut but did not have this depth of explanation that is present in your body of review. Reliance is complex and dynamic. Thanks again. I will use your work which I am sure will grow in depth as our understanding increases. would you mind reposting the link to the work again here. It is a read worth reading for all those in this field (especially as we work to help others overcome serious threat .... Your summary work does so much more In providing understanding than anything I could say....) Maybe you should work with Jane to write up something comprehensive that helps to dispel the resiliency "myths". I see this as enormously valuable!!!

1/27/1511:35 AM

Former Member

thanks a lot for responding! I really appreciate it. The questions I am referring to are near the end of Jane's story "Got your ACE score?" After COLVA.... That is where you can find the resilience questions I am referring to. thanks a huge amount!!!!!

1/24/154:01 PM

Darlene HallMember

2 comments-

Seeing resilience as a process, not as a set of traits, can be immensely empowering. When we focus too much on individual traits it can be like blaming the victim if s/he is unable to overcome adversity. Demonstrating resilience is context specific. We may respond with resilience in one context, but not another. No matter how strong an individual is physically, cognitively and emotionally, if needed external supports are not accessible or are not appropriate within a certain cultural context, the individual may not be able respond with resilience to an overwhelming adversity (e.g., If there is no food or shelter after a flood, a person might still die). Professor Michael Ungar at Dalhousie U addresses these issues in depth in his publications.

Also, I wonder if you could provide a little more information about which link you are referring to when you speak about questions being used to access ACEs in parents. I was unable to see what link you were referring to when you asked to address your questions in more detail since you will be visiting with an MD using this measure this weekend. Was it something on RIRO's website or elsewhere? And were you addresssing the question to me or someone else?

Thx

1/23/151:43 PM

Former Member

I have one other question, as you look above in the links... There is a link for resilience questions. They probably are good for letting us know about childhood risk but when I at look all 14 ?s I would have to answer definitely not for almost all of them. This questionaire is being used at least in one pedi office when screaning for aces in parents at the 4 month visit. I am concerned about using this as the resilience tool because if the parent were to answer as I would on aces and this questionaire of resilience it would be rather depressing and I am wondering if access to social supports in the present or something else would be more appropriate to evaluate resilience as current supports and functioning I believe is most important. I really want to avoid harming mothers and I think this questionaire has that potential. Could you contact me with your thoughts. I will be at a conference where this is discussed this weekend and would like to be more prepared with what I think is a really important question!!! Thank you!

1/23/155:00 AM

Former Member

Originally Posted by Darlene Hall:

Thank you for sharing these valuable resources on resilience. It is so important for us to move from the older notion of resilience as a set of characteristics of an individual to that of a "process" in which relationships are central. If we look at resilience from the perspective of social ecology, we see it as a complex interaction between inner strengths and outer resources. Reaching IN...Reaching OUT (RIRO) has written a synthesis review about resilience research for the Ontario Ministry of Child and Youth Services which explores these ideas and is available at: http://www.reachinginreachingo...esources-reports.htm (see 2nd white bullet for the report and 3rd bullet for "Resilience in 8 Q & As"). It also offers an array of free online resiliency resources for service providers and parents (www.reachinginreachingout.com).

I just really need to say thank you for posting this. We discuss resilience a lot here on ACEs and it certainly is important. For me personally in a childhood of basically captivity and torture not allowed to interact with others except peers at school but being dressed in rags and teased so inhumanely, the only response I could find was do really well in school and make myself invisible. The discussions of how resilience is bouncing back or grit or something and is intrinsic to the person has always made me feel like others felt I should or even must have it after all I graduated from a medical school (the result of grit and determination and not resilience) and that has always felt hurtful. I think this inadequate belief of the definition of resilience can hurt others too and is un-empowering. Resilience is something you have or don't have could mean we are stuck where we are. I am really glad there are others studying what it takes to develop resilience and promote it in others. Thank you so very much!!!

1/23/154:23 AM

Former Member

Here is a really good lecture by Dr. Bruce Perry that talks about how relational enrichment overcomes ACEs and adversity and is in line with what I consider to be the greatest factor to become resilient! Hope everyone enjoys it! (Child Flourishing Symposium at Notre Dame 2014) http://m.youtube.com/watch?fea...utu.be&v=2rpfd_H4euU

1/22/157:55 PM

Darlene HallMember

1/22/152:26 PM

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