...I tried to stay sober, but I couldn't live completely clean. I was able to refrain from drug use, but I never stayed away from alcohol for long. I have memories of trying to disguise my pregnant stomach when entering liquor stores, only to return home, drink alone and cry by myself. I talked to the baby inside of me, apologizing for my shortcomings.
...Despite it all, I gave birth to a healthy daughter. She was beautiful. She had 10 fingers and 10 toes. I cried tears of joy and relief.
...But when she was 4, I woke up in the midst of a blackout. A man was having sex with me in a strange apartment, and I had no recollection of him or how I'd gotten there. I was shaken. I felt I had betrayed my daughter. I felt I had betrayed my values. I finally found the courage to walk into my first meeting.
To get sober, I had to abandon my old life. My daughter's father and I split up. I had to stay away from every single friend I had.
Addicted And Pregnant: 'The Most Heart-Wrenching Experience Of My Life'
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