The war in Ukraine has entered its fourth month, sending 6.7 million refugees across the border into neighboring countries while another 9 million are displaced in western Ukraine. I have spent the last month in Poland and Romania training local communities to help refugee children with trauma and while doing so was privileged to spend time with some of the refugees themselves.
After three days of working with the mothers on post-traumatic stress, they invited me to take a walk with them to feed the horses. We climbed a hill behind the center in Romania where they have been staying since they evacuated from the region around Odessa. Many of these families went through harrowing experiences—living in bomb shelters, evacuating under enemy fire—but they also continue to have the daily stresses of life as refugees in a country where they don't speak the language, and worry about husbands and family members left behind in the ongoing war. For the children, difficult emotions are never very far beneath the surface.
One little girl was frustrated about something and quickly collapsed into tears. She was consoled by her mother. These mothers are doing their best to help their children cope. But as refugees, they are suddenly doing this in isolation, with no help from family, friends, or community. The children very naturally cling to their mothers when their expanding world of relationships with friends and teachers has all been stripped away.
The refugee center had been established in buildings usually used as a retreat for churches in Bucharest. Many of the families are still in transit, waiting for visas to continue their journey to countries where they know someone. But while they are there they start to make friends and comfort and support one another. Today, we made our little excursion to the top of the hill for a change of scenery, a beautiful view, and interaction with grazing horses.
The mothers had brought with them some leftover snacks to feed the horses. The children were shy at first, but the horses were gentle and soon the girls gained the confidence to feed them by themselves. It was beautiful watching the transformation from tears to joy as the girls fed and petted the large animals; for a moment, they forgot the horrors of war.
Of course, a brief distraction does not erase a child's traumatic experiences. But these mothers forming a community to support one another, the children making new friendships in place of those whom they lost, and the confidence gained from interacting with the horses all help to rebuild a childhood that can be once again safe.
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