Becoming Too Much of What Our Parents Were - Even the Parts We Liked! - Get Unstuck - FREE Guided Journal

A little bit about me: I went to three kindergartens. I lived in something like 29 houses before my 20th birthday. I watched my dad hit my mom on more than one occasion. A few times, I ate cereal and water for breakfast. I entertained myself with Benny Hill and HBO shows I should not have been watching. I was victimized sexually by an older cousin and uncle. I was hospitalized twice for kidney reflux. When I was 8, I spent 10 days in the hospital recovering from a reparatory surgery meant to eliminate the UTIs and kidney infections I had been inundated with since I was born. I was held down by 5 nurses to get a catheter inserted in my urethra. One of the times I had to go to the hospital, my dad told my mom, “You’re gonna need to drop her off and leave her there, you can’t stay there with her!” This is one of the moments of my life that I knew I was alone.

That’s the short version. I tell you all of this to let you know that I get it. It wasn’t until I was in my late 30s that I realized I had a wreck of a childhood and I was passing that legacy down to my own children. So, I decided to do something about it. 

I am not here to blame or to make my parents out as bad. They had their own set of difficulties when they were children and they passed those experiences on to me and my sisters. I’m simply telling the truth about what happened and making sure that the cycle stops with me.

You know what I loved? My mom taught me at a very young age to always be ready with a bug-out bag and money that was my own. I have been ready to flee since I was 4. My mom, sisters, and I exercised that readiness countless times – rushing to leave to go live with an aunt, my grandma, my mom’s friend, etc. I loved the power in knowing that I didn’t need anyone. Ever.

Back to the (free) Guided Journal (get it here https://143coaching.com/products) - how did I see my mom from the perspective of a starry-eyed kid? Able. Independent. Fierce. Powerful. Ready. Prepared.

In working through the Get Unstuck Guided Journal – Activity One – and asking myself – “What am I trying to live up to in my mom?” I can see some obvious patterns.

I’m extremely self-reliant. I don’t ask for help for much of anything at all. I offer it, lots. Impose it in even. This mindset resulted in me choosing a partner who would let me take care of EVERYTHING. Money, kids, appointments, bills. I worked a lot of really great corporate jobs and I was SO ABLE and capable that I burned myself out. I was also constantly ready to walk out the door of my marriage. With one foot out the door, a commitment to do it differently (not get divorced), and a partner who was ok with me taking responsibility for most things – it was a recipe for disaster. I was in a constant internal battle that took a major toll on my health and my family.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because this ONE TRAIT in my mom – “able” - was so strong and something that I admired so much, that I became way too much of that.

When working through the Get Unstuck Guided Journal, you may find similar patterns. You may find something about your dad or your mom that has taken on a life of its own and has not served you. The Get Unstuck Guided Journal process is all about finding those things, noticing them, and then deciding what you want to do with it.

Sometimes even our parents’ best traits can become our own biggest obstacles. The key is seeing the pattern and then choosing to do it differently.

Hopefully, this gave you some more context for the first activity of the Get Unstuck Guided Journal.

If you download the journal - drop me a note and let me know how it’s going, will you?

Or better yet, hop on a Get Unstuck Guided Journal Online Circle. I’ll be going through this section of the journal with a small, intimate group. I’ll provide some coaching to help you work through your own narratives and reflections.  It’s “Pay What You Can/Value-Based” so you’ll be sent a link after the call so you can decide what you want to pay. And if you can’t pay anything right now, just pay it forward and share this blog, the journal, and the tools you learn with someone else.

REGISTER FOR IT HERE https://143coaching.com/events