Our beloved friend and former PACEs Connection staff member, Cissy White, died peacefully in Weymouth, MA, on Sunday morning, surrounded by family and friends.
This the obituary the family wrote that appeared here.
So many people are holding this angel of grace, strength, beauty, intellect, humor, and compassion in their hearts right now, remembering Cissy’s deep kindness and generous, brave heart. She taught us all how to live.
Cissy leaves daughter Kai Schildmeier, mother Nancy Atwood and her husband Chip (Cissy’s stepfather), sister Karyn Doherty and her husband John, brother Joseph Atwood and his wife Mindy, stepbrother Dan Coxall, nieces Rachel and Catrin Doherty, nephews Zane and Kindred Atwood, beloved aunt and uncle Mary and Jimmy Moy, aunt Diane Shaughnessy, uncle Eddie Moy, cousins Jeffrey, Michael, Stephen, Danny, Jennifer, Jamie, Andrea, Chris, Corey, Teddy, Ryan, and Katie. She also leaves her co-parent, her former husband David Schildmeier, as well as many devoted friends, including caregivers Beth O’Malley, Heidi Aylward, Kathy MacDonald, and Lynn Tryba. Cissy’s biological father was the late Frank White of Boston.
Although she left us much too early, Cissy never viewed her diagnosis of ovarian cancer in 2019 as a tragedy. In her own words: “If I die soon, it will be too soon but it will also not be tragic because I got peace and a sense of closeness and acceptance of myself. I still feel triumphant and joyful about this life and I do not feel diminished.”
Cissy’s life was a triumph. Her only regrets were that she couldn’t be here longer for her daughter and that, as an activist, she didn’t always prioritize having fun. In recent years, Cissy made a practice of “joy stalking,” a phrase she coined to describe fiercely appreciating “the small and delicious delights” of everyday life. [Here is her post "Professional Joy Stalker", and here is a link to all of Cissy's posts on PACEsConnection.com.]
Before getting into Cissy’s many accomplishments, we want to take a moment to remember her one-of-a-kind laugh (her brother-in-law John describes it as a cross between Marilyn Monroe and Arnold Horschack); the warmth, safety, and acceptance she offered; the long conversations over glasses of iced coffee; the way she could be so open and verbally appreciative of others' gifts and talents; the way she built connections among her many and assorted friends; the creative moments, gathering sea glass and making art; the way she spoiled her pets unapologetically; the way her daughter, Kai was always her number one priority.
Cissy was an outspoken and passionate advocate for trauma survivors, most recently working at ACEs Connection (now PACEs Connection), a social network that recognizes the impact of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) in shaping physical and emotional health. Her roles included Northeast Region Community Facilitator as well as Community Manager, Parenting with ACEs.
“It’s not trauma-informed if it’s not informed by trauma survivors” was her motto; she always said that healing tools should be affordable, accessible, and appealing to survivors and that patient-centered care should center patients’ voices, experiences, and collaboration, otherwise it was hypocritical and silencing. Cis would not stand for anyone being silenced. Her survivor-led advocacy work earned her the Touching Trauma at its Heart Award from the Attachment and Trauma Network, the VOICE for Traumatized Children.
Her work was written about in the Atlantic Monthly, the Boston Globe, and other outlets. She appeared in the December 2020 PBS News Hour series “Invisible Scars: America’s Childhood Trauma Crisis,” in an episode about how treating trauma early can help kids cope down the line.
She was a guest on podcasts such as Cancer Connections by the Clarity Foundation and Trauma Therapist Podcast with Guy McPherson. She was a sought-after speaker on issues related to PTSD and childhood trauma. Herself a childhood trauma survivor, Cissy knew first hand the power of writing to heal. She began sharing her journey on her blog healwritenow.com in 2013. In 2014, she collaborated with artist, writer, and professor Margaret Bellafiore to create Body Language: An Interactive Installation Exploring the Impact of Trauma, which was shown in Cambridge, MA. The installation gave visitors the chance to viscerally experience the changes that occur in the body as a result of surviving trauma.
Cissy realized a longtime dream in 2015 when she opened the Heal Write Now Center in Weymouth. That experience was a powerful way for her to step out into the world, saying she believed in the healing power of words, community, truth-telling, and safe and affordable spaces for people to create and share. Cissy’s journalism and essays were published in Ms. Magazine online, Elephant Journal, the Boston Globe, Spirituality Camp; Health, PTSD Journal, PsychCentral, To Write Love on Her Arms, ACEs Connection, PACEs Connection and ACEs Too High, among others.
After being diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2019, Cissy became involved in patient advocacy work, volunteering for the Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance (OCRA) as part of the Survivors Teaching Students program. Her hope was that future medical professionals better understand the early symptoms of ovarian cancer in order to prevent misdiagnosis, delayed diagnosis, and a poorer prognosis, as there’s currently no way to screen for ovarian cancer.
After Cissy was herself misdiagnosed, she was dismayed to learn that ovarian cancer survival rates were no better than they were decades ago when she had been a caretaker for her beloved maternal grandmother, Edna “Nan” Shaughnessy, who died of ovarian cancer in 1990. Cissy’s first-person
account of what it was like to be involved in cancer drug trials, “The Clinical Trial Treatment Train,” was published in the New England Journal of Medicine on August 23, 2022. Throughout her rigorous and often disheartening treatment, Cis felt seen and supported by the team at MGH, and especially by her oncologist, Dr. Richard Penson, who knew her as a writer, not only as a cancer patient. It was their discussions that led to her essay in the NEJM.
Though Cis was proud of her published writing, equally important to her was the expressive creative writing she did right up until the last week of her life in her weekly writing circle. As she did her entire life, she leaned into the healing power of writing to hold her in joy and sorrow. She considered this practice, and the love of her family and friends, her medicine after treatments failed her.
From 2000 to 2003, Cissy worked in the Communications Camp; Events Planning department for Wide Horizons for Children, an adoption agency in Waltham, MA, that works with orphaned children worldwide. In 2003, she and her then-husband David Schildmeier traveled to China to adopt Kai, the love and light of Cissy’s life. In her own words: "My daughter brought the world to me. My daughter is a beam of sunlight brought to my soul."
Cissy was an amazing parent who devoted her life to ensuring Kai had everything she needed to become the smart, caring, kind, and impressive young woman she is today, taking an active role as a parent advisor and
member of the board of trustees for the South Shore Charter Public School, and later through her years as a devoted and proud dance mom at the respective dance academies for which Kai was an avid dance team competitor. This culminated in Cissy’s great pride in Kai’s admission to Boston University, where she is a STEM student hoping to become a physician.
Cissy graduated from Bromfield High School in Harvard, MA, in 1985 and earned a BA from Hampshire College in Amherst, MA, in 1991. Her focus at Hampshire was social psychology and creative and critical writing. Cis appreciated and supported the work of Beth O'Malley's Adoption Lifebook's for children and teens who were either adopted or live in foster care; when she discovered O’Malley and her work, she made a lifelong friend.
She found inspiration in the work of psychotherapist Serben Fisher; guided imagery pioneer Belleruth Krepon Naparstek; science journalist Donna Jackson Nakazawa; and writer Nancy Slonim Aronie. Cis always said
Nancy’s writing workshops were where she found her voice.
Relatives and friends are respectfully invited to attend a visitation for Cissy on Saturday April 15, 2023, from 11-1pm in the CC Shepherd Funeral Home located at 134 Pleasant St (Columbian Sq.) Weymouth. A service for Cissy will take place immediately after the visitation in the funeral home. Cissy asked that family and friends wear bright colors if they choose. Hot pink was her favorite, but all colors are encouraged. In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to the Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance.
Please visit Cissy’s tribute page at https://give.ocrahope.org/cissy. Checks
may be mailed to Ovarian Cancer Research Alliance, PO Box 32141, New York, NY 10087-2141.
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