At first glance, the year 2020 had few positives. The chaos the pandemic added to the normal chaos in the world made the year one I won’t soon forget (although I’m trying hard to forget).
However, that’s a broad-brush assessment designed to garner some head shaking and echoes of “Amen.” What’s truer about 2020 is that it provided some unique opportunities which, in hindsight, were tremendous blessings.
One of those blessings for me was learning about Steve and Dorthy Halley’s work through their company, Family Peace Initiative (FPI). As Licensed Master Social Workers, their work for nearly 30 years has centered on facilitating batterers intervention programs (BIP). In other words, they help people who have been involved in committing domestic violence against a spouse or partner.
They also train other counselors to facilitate their own BIP programs using FPI’s outstanding program, “The Art of Facilitation.” Last year I attended this course in order to help Steve and Dorthy assess whether the framework could be helpful to law enforcement officers seeking to build trust with their communities, with their peers, and with themselves.
It didn’t take long before I knew this program had significant relevance. In full disclosure, I am working with them to develop a course designed to help peer support specialists within the law enforcement community be better equipped to help their fellow officers.
As I look back over the events of last year, meeting Steve and Dorthy and attending their Art of Facilitation course was one of those opportunities I now see was a great blessing of 2020.
Another blessing was learning that what often keeps people from deeply or truly connecting with their communities, peers, and partners is cruelty.
I learned from Steve and Dorthy that I not only experienced cruelty in my life, but I was also equally guilty of being cruel towards others – particularly those whom I said I loved.
Now, you may be asking yourself, “Are you saying you committed domestic violence?” No. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? We have been conditioned to think that cruelty only involves physical or verbal abuse. We have an image in our mind of what constitutes bad behavior. Yes, the overtness of some actions are obviously and inherently cruel. However, the subtleties and microaggressions of cruelty extend far and wide. The blessing comes in being taught the extent of cruel behaviors and still having time left in life to make changes.
When we realize the extent of our cruelty (or the River of Cruelty as the Halley’s explain it), then we realize that our ability to build trust and be good leaders is greatly hindered.
Make no mistake, our use of cruelty is a direct result of the trauma experienced in our lives. We are cruel to others because someone was first cruel to us.
We weren’t born to be cruel; we were taught cruelty.
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To learn more about the work and training of the Family Peace Initiative, please visit their webpage: familypeaceinitiative.com. For more information on "(Re)Building Trust: A Trauma-Informed Approach to Leadership," please visit mrchrisfreeze.com. | 
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