Finding Your Why

Tifanie Petro 2/2/181:57 PM

"Love and compassion are necessities. Without them humanity cannot survive" - Dalai Lama

When we started this fellowship...but let's be honest, they quickly become like family...we were asked about our "why". "Why" do you have a passion for helping other's understand trauma?

I would be lying if I knew what it was right away. "Because it's my job?" "Because it's a new experience?" Nothing felt right. I started thinking about my family and my own journey, and the last two years of slowly starting conversations about understanding trauma.

And then I knew that it was about that moment when you had truly engaged with someone, and you could see their soul and their heart and their pain ...and you watch as the light bulb flickers on. That moment when you hear that sigh of relief and they say "ohhhhhh". Sometimes it's about themselves, and why they keep repeating the same patterns over and over, and it's like for the first time someone let them know that they weren't broken or un-fixable. And sometimes it's about someone they love, and their understanding of the years of hurt or confusion that now suddenly make sense.

So my "why" was this pure honor of being part of someone's "a-ha" moment. Being able to connect with them on a level that lets them know that they don't have to be perfect and that it doesn't always make sense, and that their's a reason for that! To empower them to have conversations with others and make small (completely doable) changes in their own lives. How amazing it is to be able to start conversations that can change lives, and maybe experience the moments when the light flickers..on.

What's your why?

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Grace HarrisMember

It was the day someone said, "Oh, now I get it. This is something teachers should care about." or the day someone said, "Yes, I know who my helpers were - I do have resilience after a crappy beginning." and my trust that there is a ripple effect - everyone who understands trauma knows more about themselves and about others. Compassion starts there. Thanks for this article.

2/7/1811:06 AM

Michael SirbolaMember

I am looking to collaborate.

Zero-Punishment, Consequence-Free, Disciplinary-Free, Golden-Rule schools is where I'm going. We're both headed the same general direction. Wanna come along?

Problem and project based instruction implicitly challenges the isolationist and punitive core ed culture in the US with a collaborative positive reward model where:

*** Errors are OPPORTUNITIES to Learn and Teach, NOT Punish, Judge, Discipline, apply a Consequence or require Restitution -***

- A raised hand, voice, or blatantly Orwellian passive-aggressive English-language-murdering "consequence" - each immediately distracts from the real harm already done by the "bad" or erroneous act done by the child. Focus on this, with the compassion and empathy that are all children's due. Children love to learn as much as Golden Retriever's love to chase balls - once you get this there can only be abject horror at out current situation in classrooms across the US at the surreal horrific sight of Golden Retrievers hiding from and avoiding balls, with balls being used to abuse, tease, torture, and disrespect the poor trapped, captive animals. Just kidding, we'd never allow that be done a Golden Retriever, ever! Golden Retrievers can breath a sigh of relief they aren' t children - makes one feel terrible for our poor kids!

That such a pathologically punitive and isolationist TRAINING system passes and is even called "education" when it is clearly nothing of the sort, is made possible because ours is also a culture in which 1 in 3 children and adults have high ACE scores, have been abused or emotionally neglected - and is a culture in which MOST persons STILL corporally punish their kids and advise their them to stand up and fight back if bullied. Teaching instruction patterned on Norway or Sweden won't and cannot work here because it is MALADAPTIVE to the national culture. It won't and can't work here. So...

We must change, all of us - change enough to see that Golden Retrievers running in fear from bouncy yellow tennis balls and kids not loving school is fundamentally WRONG and tht the problem isnt damaged children, its damaged adults damaging children to grow up and be damaged and ball-fearing too. Sigh. Enough. It is time to put down the paddle and the silly bookshelf of books by PhD's explaining how all consequences are not negative - as if any child ever looked forward to opening a positive consequence on Christmas day! We adults are ill and it is us that needs a behavioral intervention, not our children. It is we adults that deployed PBIS in all 50 States even as Zero Tolerance became the norm along with consequence-matrices, rampant suspensions and handcuffed-in-class arrests - PBIS was there to help make it all happen and still is.

Sometimes concepts like "cognitive dissonance" are hard to convey: here is my favorite instructive example, the words that the letters PBIS stand for say it all: Positive Behavioral Intervention and Support. Ha-ha! SEL and Trauma-informed Instructional (Sanctuary) methods focus on the necessity that the child must change to better deal with our pathologies from when 1 in 3 of us educators was abused as children.

SEL, PBIS, Resilience, Mindfulness, Trauma-awareness, all of these commoditize themselves to be saleable into our dysmorphic education system by completely avoiding the core issue that our ed-system is punitive-based. All of these efforts put the blame instead on our child victims themselves: it is they that must learn to self-monitor and suck-up our pathological mistreatment of them so as to better be able to deal with our own inexcusable behaviors. No more.

You that read this know better now. Help others to see truth. Children are dying - this is no longer just about best ed practices or national intellectual security and competitiveness. You are morally called-upon. All of us are - to redirect our efforts to ourselves - and to change. We can. We must. Think. Look. Act. For our children's sake and for the future of all mankind. This is the fulcrum upon which we thrive or die. Think. Look. Act. Start this very second. For the lives of children in the US, and worldwide. Them. You. Just you. Now. Ok?

2/6/189:34 AM

Jondi WhitisMember

There's so much good in this question, and this movement, to describing our work starting with this. : ) I appreciate that getting up close n personal with our why helps everyone - us - our clients - our families, colleagues and communities.

Once we know our own personal 'why,' it's harder to lose our way in the jungle of time pressures, economic pressures, competitive forces or naysayers.

Don't know if this is useful, but hopefully so. In answering this 'why' question while filling out several professional profiles, I came up with this collection:

I am force for good in the world. I am here to be of positive benefit and usefulness. As a trainer, teacher, and mentor I am here to share what I have been given with others. As a practitioner I share my Presence; using acute listening skills and empathetic attunement, I consciously craft a safe space of connection. Together, we create the satisfaction of their personal 'why,' and goals, compassionately examining the client's sense of personal truth, history and life experience. Our collective 'why' is to integrate what is discovered, in order to return to wholeness.

If any of that resonates with you, too, I invite you to incorporate this into your 'why.' Thanks for this opportunity to share with you (and others), Tifanie Petro.

2/5/188:19 AM

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