From a young age, I was rebellious and stubborn. I come from a household where everything had to be perfect. I needed to make good grades, go to college, get married, and be successful. It’s not that I didn’t want all of this for myself, but I was more interested in escaping my emotions and having fun than I was in being responsible and successful.
Drinking and using drugs was fun for me in the beginning, but at the end of my senior year of high school my drug addiction took a dark turn. I was at a graduation party when I took a few too many pills and drank a few too many drinks. I passed out at some point during the party and three boys moved me to a different location. That night I was sexually assaulted by three strangers while I was completely unconscious.
When I woke up the next morning, I felt terrible. I was hungover, confused, and completely naked. I had no idea where I was or how I got there. I scrambled to find my clothes and car keys and finally found my way out of the unfamiliar neighborhood. Later that day, rumors began to fly among my peers. I found out that there was a video of me laying on a couch, completely limp, being raped by these three boys.
I took what I knew and I ran with it. I knew that I was leaving for college and would never have to see these people again and I knew that drugs and alcohol helped numb my emotions. I was determined to leave the past behind me and forget the way that I felt that morning. I had no idea where running from my emotions would lead me.
It didn’t take long for me to discover opiates, and in two years I became an IV drug user who was kicked out of school, unable to maintain a job, completely broke and emotionally distraught. The drugs had stopped working to mask the pain that I felt. I was too scared to kill myself, so I reached out for help.
When I went to treatment, it was in trauma informed therapy where I finally told another person what had happened to me. I realized that I wasn’t the only person who this had happened to and that it was healing for me to talk about the sexual assault. For the first time, I felt safe discussing my thoughts and emotions with other people who understood exactly what I had been through. In therapy, I learned how important it was to talk about what happened to me. Keeping these things a secret only hurt me even more.
I was able to overcome not only my drug addiction, but also my past struggles. I have new ways to cope with my emotions, such as talking to others, being a part of a support group, doing physical exercise, meditating, and helping others. It was important for me to see that I was not alone. Now I get to speak openly about the events in my life in order to help others overcome their past as well. The brightest spot in my life today is watching other women recover from addiction and trauma. It is the most amazing thing to see the light come back in somebody's eyes and see them go out into the world, with their head held high, and help another person.
Today I finally believe that I have a life that is worth living. I don’t depend on mood or mind altering substances to feel good today because I get joy out of helping others. I am able to be successful today. I’m not married and I don’t have a college degree, but I have a job that I love, I have a safe place to live, and I am happy, which to me is all the success that I need.
Cassidy Webb is a 24 year old avid writer from South Florida. She works for a digital marketing company that advocates spreading awareness on the disease of addiction. Her passion in life is to help others by sharing her experience, strength, and hope.
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