This afternoon, Charlie Rose was fired from PBS and CBS. This morning, Gayle King and Norah O'Donnell, who anchor with Charlie Rose, reported on this national story. Here's an excerpt from an article by J. Freedom du Lac, Amy B Wang and Marwa Eltagouri which discusses this video clip.
And then, in a remarkable segment, Rose’s broadcast partners slipped out of their newswoman roles and spoke as . . . people, full of anger and bewilderment and betrayal.“This is a moment that demands a frank and honest assessment about where we stand and more generally the safety of women,” O’Donnell said. “Let me be very clear: There is no excuse for this alleged behavior. It is systematic and pervasive.”
She added: “This has to end. This behavior is wrong. Period.”
Said King: “I really am reeling. I got one hour and 42 minutes of sleep last night. Both my son and my daughter called me; Oprah called me and said, ‘Are you okay?’ I am not okay.”
I'm okay and not okay. How are you? Are you talking about this with your kids, friends, partner, co-workers?
I've been asked how I'm handling all the news reports of sexual harassment, assault and abuse being reported. They've been pretty constant.
I'm okay. I keep saying the same thing to my friends. Even though I'm a survivor of sexual violence with a boatload of ACEs, TALKING isn't hard and neither is listening.
The reality was / is hard.
Talking is not hard. Not talking is way harder.
I'm totally okay with all the discussing, reckoning with and responding to reality. That is true when it comes to sexual violations and it's true when it comes to ACEs.
I'm not okay when what's talked about is minimized, maligned or those who speak up are attacked.
Conversations, national and one on one, those I love. Without conversation I'm not sure change is even possible. Without conversation, I'm not sure how we heal.
Conversations, even hard, awkward or emotional ones offer promise. Silence assures things remain the same and usually benefits those who don't want things to change not the ones who need them to.
Talking is like the water one drinks after crawling out of the desert. It's not triggering, hard or too painful to remember. We already know what thirst is if we've had that experience. Water reminds us thirst can be quenched. Conversation gives us community and the knowing we aren't alone with thoughts, feelings and experiences.
Hurts and experiences that can't be discussed or held in a safe space or relationship, can't be addressed, resolved, remedied or prevented.
Silence is the skin many of us have lived in too long. Silence is what's scary and hard. Silence is triggering for many of us.
People act as though silence is more polite, neutral or benign than raising questions, issues or complaints - even about ACEs. Nope. It's not. It might be easier or more comfortable to avoid, for some, that's real and true and can be worked with and through. But ignoring ACEs is dangerous.
I hear people fear that conversations about ACEs will be traumatizing and should only be handled in clinical settings by clinical people. I think that's fear talking. I think it's possible to talk about hard things without getting clinical, and in fact, the less clinical we make conversation about reality the more people we welcome to the discussion. Conversations that require co-pays and insurance are limiting. Healing is and should be available to all and can happen in the communion of ordinary conversation, conversation that's normalizing, in fact can be most healing of all.
I believe taking talk of ACEs and trauma out of clinical setting normalizes them and that itself is healing. I think being conversational about things that impact so many of us in daily and regular ways makes way for all of us to engage in critical and complex conversation directly and with varied and diverse groups of people. In fact, it's one of the things I appreciate most about this community and site.
I believe individuals should be respected enough to decide which conversations or topics we wish to engage with and in. Or not. Having others decide for us, to me, is insulting.
Hard conversations about hard topics can be healing, honest and helpful. Conversations about hard topics can make actual life easier for lots of people. I think that's true when it comes to sexual harassment, abuse and assault as well as all ACEs,
I appreciate hearing from King and O'Donnell as they report national news and talk about their own reactions to the allegations about their colleague.
I'm sad about what's being reported but not that these experiences, realities and stories are being shared, believed and treated as though they matter. They do.
I'm glad the women who come forward are not attacked as much, disbelieved as often, or shamed as women (and men) have often been when reporting sexual violence. It's about freakin time. I hope life is easier for our kids and future generations because of exactly what is going on right now.
My friend Kathy asked if the #MeToo movement was weighing heavy on me or if I had any #MeToo insights of my own to share.
I told her I've been resting, relieved and feel kind of empowered NOT to share my story but to support others sharing theirs for the first time.
The truth is that noticing, naming and fighting silence can be exhausting, daunting and lonely work.
I love being able to bear witness and dream of a life where we didn't need to agitate for ourselves and others, a world where all people be safe and treated decent as children or adults.
I love considering what I might choose to explore when not filled with the urgent need to say, "This matters. That matter. They matter. We matter."
I can't wait til we all matter equally. There's still work to do. Nora O'Donnell said:
Let me be very clear: There is no excuse for this alleged behavior. It is systematic and pervasive.”
She added: “This has to end. This behavior is wrong. Period.”
It hasn't ended yet. But things are not the same as they were even yesterday. This story did not break earlier and there are lots of reasons for that. But it did break. It didn't go underground or get buried, ignored or handled privately. Individuals and businesses are responding actively and quickly and saying things like a safe workplace for all matters.
That's new, different and about time, too.
We're all in a process.
Seeing O'Donnell speak with clarity and listening to Gayle King in a pained and confused fog of shock and disbelief is all real, open and honest.
At least we're all talking about it is together and that is new and different, too.
And welcome.
Maybe someday Charlie Rose will do an introspective type of interview with himself. Maybe he will turn his brilliant mind towards himself and help us all understand his perspective, story and behavior. That can never happen if we don't hear the truth, the reality and the stories and experiences of everyone, especially those who have been silenced for so long.
For me, it's never reckoning with reality that is most scary or dangerous or triggering. For me, it's always what has yet to be named, challenged or reckoned with that threatens. When reality is hard and wordless, huge, and shrugged off as though that's just the way it is — that is crushing and triggering and toxic.
I'm okay with not being okay about upsetting reality. I'm okay with being upset about upsetting things.
Things need to change and are changing. That's good news to me. So I'm okay with not being okay all of the time. That's appropriate, healthy, and overdue.
How are you?
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