The first time I rode across the country on a bicycle I was in my 20s and trying to figure things out. Upon my arrival at my mom and dad’s home in New Jersey, I was interviewed by the local paper and was quoted as saying, “I thought a lot about religion – I guess it was just me and God...there wasn’t anybody else to talk to.”
This time around it’s faith, not religion, that I’ve given a great deal of thought to. And it’s faith that has been the subject of many of the conversations I’ve had. In fact, I would not be on a bicycle 30 years later, riding sometimes for 40 or 50 miles before coming upon another living soul if I didn’t have faith! A faith that has stirred me to believe that there exists something or someone greater than ourselves, that we are here for a reason, and that a life of service to others is the greatest life that one can aspire to live. Faith has kept me pedaling on, kept me company and kept me safe.
It has also connected me to many people who believe in something greater than themselves and who have relied on their faith to guide them through good times and bad. People whose faith has kept them company and many times been the only solace that they’ve had when times got tough to bear. Empathetic, loving, compassionate human beings who have gone out of their way to help me, welcome me into their lives, and touch my heart.
[Photo caption: Dr. R.C Lenton Sr. in front of his church, St. Martinsville Baptist Church.]
R.C and I spoke about ACEs and how one’s faith can help build resilience and aide in recovery. He said that when he went to Vietnam at the age of 19, he thought he was a man but came to learn that he was just a boy thrown into something that he still struggles to understand. He came home after being injured when the truck he was driving was bombed. He survived the attack but was haunted by the fact that his best friend, who was sitting next to him, did not. Upon his return, the Veteran's Administration helped with his physical needs, but at that time we had not heard of PTSD and there was no real mental health support. After coming home, R.C. lost himself in alcohol and drugs for years. One day a preacher came into his life and told him that he owed it to his friend to get himself together, that he had a responsibility to live not just for himself but also for his friend who did not come back. R.C. was touched by this man reaching out to him, and with his help he stopped the alcohol and drugs and began attending church. He has since followed in that man's footsteps, has been ministering to other people's spiritual needs, helping as best as he can to be useful and put people on the right path.
[Photo caption: Darryl and Erin Phillips]
I spotted this family as I was crossing one of the many bridges along the Louisiana coast and turned back around to visit with them. Erin and Darryl lost their son Ayden, at the age of three to a drowning accident. Among one of the many things that this tragedy taught them was compassion. Through their loss they were forced to confront the fact that few services exist in their community for people who suffer the loss of a child. They’ve created Ayden’s Foundation of Hope and I happened to be riding along as they where holding their 3rd annual fishing tournament. The money they raise goes to help other couples who are dealing with the loss of a child or have a child that is suffering from a life-threatening illness. Their faith is what they leaned on when this tragedy struck and it was their faith that carried them through. It’s also been their faith that has compelled them to create something beautiful out of something so painful and tragic. Darryl’s mom made me a delicious ham and cheese sandwich and I was invited to the crawfish boil that they had planned when the fisherman returned, but I had miles to go before I stopped. After thanking them for their generosity, I regretfully pushed on.
Marion Keith – whom I met in Jackson, AL – is originally from Birmingham, but she is currently living and working in Jackson. There is so much more to Marion’s story than what I’m about to share but suffice it to say, she’s had a full life with many life lessons and is someone who lives her faith and sets an example for us to live by.
Marion grew up in a home with an alcoholic father who, for many years, worked and only drank on the weekends. But the drinking got worse and worse and got to the point where he would drink, leave for months and in doing so, he created a lot of insecurities for his children. The final time he left, there was no food or anything in the house, except potatoes, and Marion, who was the oldest of seven, was only 13 years old at the time. She told me that her father came home and he’d been drinking and was in a rage. “He started to beat my brother and then he was going to start in on me," said Marion. "My mother stopped him and said, 'I’ve put up with a lot from you but you will not touch my children.'”
She and I had spoken about the five essential domains, two of them being safety and security. Marion said that one way she was impacted to this day, is that even though she may not want to eat the food in the pantry or the refrigerator, she always keeps them stocked with food, because she knows what it is to look in the refrigerator and have no food, knows what it's like to have nothing.
Marion related an incident she said she would remember all her life. "As I said, I was the oldest of seven and my father had left and there was nothing but potatoes in the house. I’ve always had a good imagination or perhaps you could say that out of my pain came the imagination, so I made this bowl of potatoes real fluffy and called them around the table and said, 'We’re going to have vanilla ice cream.' Billy, one of my brothers -- out of the seven of us, he’s the only one who’s deceased, of a drug overdose -- I remember Billy used to say, 'My sis can take a few grains of rice and some beans and make a gourmet meal.'"
“As I said, to this day I believe I’m secure about a lot of things, and even though we get over those things, as I said, I always need to have the pantry full. It makes me realize how important safety and stability is for children when they are growing up. You got to have a safe place! Security and safety became just nonexistent for us in our childhood and this went on for a lot of years,” said Marion.
But she also told me that when she thinks back, taking that pain turned her into the woman that she later became. When her dad got so sick with cirrhosis of the liver that he had nowhere to go, he came back to her. By this time she was healthy and strong, married, and in her 30s. She remembers sitting beside his bed as he was dying. “I can’t say to you I had this daughter-father, wonderful relationship, but I had compassion for him,” she said. “I had sympathy because I thought he’s laying here, he’s old, he’s got no one but me out of all the kids. I would not be in his shoes; he’s got no one.” She told me that it was her faith that gave her the ability to love him and have sympathy for him.
Marion, a woman of deep faith, has made the choice to have the things that have happened to her in life make her better, not bitter. “Long ago my faith became my stronghold,”she said. “I remember going to church alone and just digging into a relationship with God, Jehovah, or whatever you want to call him. I believe there is a higher power, a higher being guiding us.”
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