Marital Emotional Neglect/Abuse. The Damage it causes.

Emotional neglect. It’s a quiet relationship killer, slowly dimming the light between two people. Before you know it, you feel alone even when your partner is right there.

I’ve been there. I remember that gnawing loneliness, the constant ache for a real emotional connection. It’s debilitating.

My goal is to help anyone experiencing emotional neglect feel less alone. Consider this a safe space to find hope, gain clarity, and remember your worth.

This comes from a place of empathy — not judgment. I want to shed light on where neglect often stems from, so we can understand it.

But most of all, I want you to know your inner light deserves to shine fully.

You have the power to create the marriage you want. But you are not meant to do it alone.

Marriage, just like any other relationship, has its ups and downs. In fact more so than other relationships because of how deep the connection is, or is expected to be. So it's normal for either spouse to feel “out of it" sometimes. To feel like they "need some space".

But when this becomes the normal disposition of either or both spouses, it's an indication that there is a problem. And this problem is most likely a lack of emotional connection and or support.

Emotional neglect in marriage occurs when a spouse fails, on a regular basis, to attend to or respond to their partner's emotional needs. This is marked by a distinct lack of action by one person towards the feelings of the other, including an absence of awareness, consideration, or response to a spouse's emotional or physical wellbeing.

Emotional neglect is when one or both spouses fail to provide adequate emotional support, connection, and care for each other. It’s a lack of empathy, understanding, validation, or comfort from your partner. For example, signs of emotional neglect include:

-Not feeling heard, seen, or valued by your spouse

-Your spouse is being indifferent or apathetic toward your feelings

-Lack of intimacy, affection, or physical connection

-Feeling lonely, unsupported, or rejected even when with your partner

Emotional neglect differs from outright emotional abuse. Abuse is more overt and intentional harming of your emotions and sense of self. However, neglect can be just as damaging over time since humans have core emotional needs for love and belonging.

Damage caused by Emotional Neglect:

~Poor Mental health: Mood swings, Sleep disorder, Substance abuse, Poor Self-image, Suicidal thoughts.

~Low self-esteem: Constant criticism, indifference, or lack of affirmation from your partner may cause your self-confidence and self-worth to erode steadily.

~Difficulty expressing emotions: You start feeling unable to articulate or be vulnerable about your innermost feelings with your spouse.

~Avoiding affection: Physical touch, hugs, and intimacy no longer feel comfortable or safe with your partner.

~Heightened rejection sensitivity: You become increasingly sensitive to your spouse’s and anyone else's perceived slights or criticism, always bracing for disapproval, and ready to defend yourself.

~Physical illness: continued emotional neglect usually causes physical illnesses such as high blood pressure, continued heavy menses, acne, etc, due to stress.

~Cognitive or developmental delays: Emotional neglect during crucial formative years may stunt the development of emotional intelligence and self-awareness. Children in an emotionally negligent marriage are at very high risk of this.

~Detachment tendencies: You feel detached from your emotions, body, or surroundings as a subconscious coping mechanism.

~Shame around needs: You start feeling guilty, weak, or ashamed for having basic emotional needs in the relationship.

~More conflicts and resentment: Partners get short-tempered over minor issues because underlying emotional frustration has built up.

~Less joy and fulfillment: The relationship loses its ability to provide comfort, pleasure, and meaning.

~Increased isolation: Partners withdraw and isolate themselves, seeking some level of emotional support outside the marriage.

~Higher risk of infidelity or divorce: Severe neglect makes partners vulnerable to finding emotional fulfillment outside the marriage in different ways.

The truth is, partners who want their relationships to work DO THE WORK. When a couple is committed to their marriage, they take the time to educate themselves on communication tools, look for practical ways to create new spaces for nurturing their relationship, or they hire a counselor or a relationship coach to teach them how to build connections to make sure their needs are met on all levels. If that is not happening in your marriage—or if the appetite for change is lacking or one sided—the emotional neglect might be too intense to overcome.

If you have gone through counseling together and talked through all the underlying issues, and you are still feeling neglected emotionally, you may be at a point where the relationship can't be saved.

While no one ever envisions their marriage ending, if you and your spouse are unhappy and unfulfilled together, you may both be better off separating.

Reach out today and we can talk through this further and help you understand the next best steps.

Jabulile Daka

Psychosocial/Christian Counselor

Founder: Come ALIVE Movement.

Email: comealive.movement@gmail.com

Call/Whatsapp: +260975793028