Many of us, whether in trauma or just excess stress, unfortunately find the holidays to be the worst time of the year.
But I am so grateful for how wonderful I feel in 2014! That’s why I wanted you to see some of my 2013 holiday pictures – so that when I say in mere words that “it’s worth it” to confront all this trauma by feeling it to heal it, you can see for yourself that it’s true.
My holidays kicked off with a shine on Nov. 24 when I sang Handel’s “Messiah” at the Nixon Library in Yorba Linda in a full-scale replica of the White House Ballroom. They even handed me a 17th-century gown. I already posted that photo at Thanksgiving, to thank you all here on ACEsConnection for being here - so please skip the first two photos in my link below and go on to the Christmas material.
I was miserable for most holiday seasons, in particular for the ten years 2002-2012. When the whole world is supposed to be joyous because they’re cuddling up with family, those of us who don’t have the Picture-book Perfect Family can feel like failures, feel unloved, and even feel that we don’t belong to exist.
But not this year. It’s no exaggeration to say that 2013 was the best holiday season of my entire life!
I don't plan more blogs on my book "Don't Try This at Home" -- I can't give away the entire book. But this week I'm starting "news blogs" each Friday on the latest in Attachment Theory, love relationships, and brain science. This is my opener.
Trauma stinks, to put it politely, and I’ve been posting some pretty awful stuff about about “as bad as it gets” with infant brain stem trauma and how the emotional pain can louse up a whole life.
I’ve also noted that the worst of infant trauma can happen not only in poor and violent areas, but in the most wealthy and educated families. In fact it happens in 50% of American households. So there are a lot of us in this together –- whether some of us know it or not.
That's why I wanted to let you know that every step we take to walk fully through whatever trauma we may have, is so worth it. It’s worth it, to feel all the even terrifying feelings we sometimes need to feel to heal them — because the healing can feel “as good as it gets.”
And: this year I actually had Christmas! It’s amazing how much of the joys of Christmas we can miss when we’re frozen in dissociation. But now that I’m unfreezing, I get to experience the wonder of finally being alive. Starting in December I went to so many tree lightings and caroling parties that I began to gain weight because I could finally taste the food for the first time this year.
I went to the Nutcracker Ballet with a dear friend, just at a local high school – and got 100 times more out of it than if I’d flown to New York to see the New York City Ballet’s world-famous production.
I could hardly keep myself from leaping up onto the stage. It was a shock how fully I could hear Tchaikovsky’s music, feel it in my heart, see the children prancing around, like never before. It feels like the joy a child feels when we just jump for the sheer joy of being alive. Everything feels so real. I tried to get tickets to go see it a second time but they were sold out…
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Kathy’s news blogs expand on her book “DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME: The Silent Epidemic of Attachment Disorder—How I accidentally regressed myself back to infancy and healed it all.” Watch for the continuing series each Friday, as she explores her journey of recovery by learning the hard way about Attachment Disorder in adults, adult Attachment Theory, and the Adult Attachment Interview.
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