Shame is Only Toxic When It Runs Your Life
Shame is a fundamental emotion that is necessary for us to understand our relationships with others. Without shame, we would have a tough time knowing what is and is not appropriate to say and do in our dealings with the people we have relations with. Shame keeps our tendencies, to run other’s lives, in check and allows us to know when we need to apologize for something we have said or done.
However, if we grow up in homes where we are made to feel inadequate or have problems with other children where we are bullied, shame becomes a prison where we can get lost.
The term toxic shame was first coined by John Bradshaw in 1990, to describe the person whose thoughts, feelings, and behaviors were repeatedly shamed in childhood thus creating a shame-based early life. Shame becomes part of the individual’s identity. Shame is the belief that “I am a flawed human being.”
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