“People Feel That Their Ability to Contribute to Society Has Been Terribly Thwarted” [issues.org]

Why words matters note - the importance of distinguishing between "feels like" and "is/are".

It's a point I bring up frequently in trainings for counselors and social workers. While often not intended, there is a huge potential implied difference between the statements of....

"you felt disempowered"

and

"you were disempowered"

One statement is validating and factual. Is says "I see you and what you've been through, and there is no question". The other statement begs a question. It leaves ambiguous space for implying "maybe it's just your perception" and "maybe you're mistaken".

What's one of the primary forms of emotional abuse? Doubt and gaslighting. As such, I always caution service providers to be extremely careful and intentional about the use of "felt" versus "is".

Again, to be clear, in common everyday conversation we tend to use the terms interchangeably. Saying "I feel hungry" and "I am hungry" is synonymous. Saying "I felt disrespected" and "I was disrespected" is synonymous.

But for traumatized populations, it's often the case that ambiguous or otherwise harmless wording can be triggering and invalidating.

We need to be clear on statements of fact and not doubting. These people do not just feel disempowered. They are being disempowered. How we phrase things matter, and I would ask professionals like Dr. Case to strive to be more aware of wording and to utilize clearer, more affirming language in support of the population of trauma survivors.

Also, some notes of nuance that we're not perfect. And it almost surely wasn't Dr. Case who chose this particular quote to become the article headline. The point still stands.

The words we use matter, impact might not match intent, and we can hold representatives accountable for the wording they use, while also understanding that everyone is human and that language is an unruly, subjective thing.