People who hate: Are these the faces of ACEs?

Ember Urbach posted:

I feel like plenty of people have ACEs and aren't hateful, bigoted, or in hate groups. While I'm sure ACEs don't help, this is not an excuse or even a reasonable rationale. What we are seeing is more of a reflection of a systemic culture of white supremacy, male domination, and nativism. 

While there are certainly plenty of people with ACEs who aren’t hateful, bigoted, or members of hate groups, from what I understand, ACEs manifest themselves differently in different people, probably depending on their life circumstances, personalities, genetic makeup, and other variables. Not every person with ACES develops cancer; some develop heart disease; others maintain good health. Not every person with ACEs ends up in prison; some have trouble holding down jobs or develop substance abuse issues or clinical depression; others seem to manage to avoid all of those. Why wouldn’t hatefulness and bigotry not be just other potential manifestations of ACEs in some people? I don’t see this as an excuse for this behavior, but as an explanation of some possible causes of it. If we have an explanation for the roots of such hatefulness (and, granted, ACEs may be one of multiple explanations for it), then maybe we can prevent it from happening in the first place, and even help some people who’ve already “gone there”. I would apply the same thinking to, say, white supremacy. Yes, it's abhorrent. Its very existence and the behavior of those who embrace it angers me. But what I want to know is, what drives people to embrace white supremacism in the first place? I’d venture that for some white supremacists, ACEs may be behind their vulnerability to that ideology.

I feel like plenty of people have ACEs and aren't hateful, bigoted, or in hate groups. While I'm sure ACEs don't help, this is not an excuse or even a reasonable rationale. What we are seeing is more of a reflection of a systemic culture of white supremacy, male domination, and nativism. 

Leslie, thank you for sharing this. I believe that the more people begin to recognize and understand the connections between early adverse life experiences and later hateful, hurtful, or damaging behaviors, the closer we will get to breaking that cycle. Your post is the kind of thing that could lead to others realizing this as well.

For me, these realizations have led to greater compassion for others, including and especially those who hate and hurt other people. 

Christine Cissy White posted:

Hi Leslie:

Thanks for sharing from the heart. I appreciate the tone, style, and risk of not waiting til the piece edited or "presented" as is often done. There are plenty who believe that free-writing or expressive writing (done stream of conscious, without lifting the pen off the paper, without minding rules of grammar or even spelling) produces writing that is more authentic, and even healing, below the judging mind. I'm one of those people. 

Free-writing is a style of writing that can contain our deepest wisdom but also be expressed in conversational language. Anyhow, thanks for sharing your thoughts, questions and this style and voice. 

Cissy

Cissy,

I agree with you about free-writing. I free write first thing almost every morning to do a "brain dump" and to "grease the wheels" for working on other types of writing (mostly, fiction and a blog). This method of writing can reveal AND release so much that can easily get lost when we let our internal editors or other people start overthinking it. It's surprising what can unearth itself through free writing, and sometimes it provides the seeds for longer, more substantive pieces.

--Laura

I'm sure that plays a part in some people's hate toward marginalized groups. However, I feel like our society has collectively upheld certain biases for generations. If people were able to examine their beliefs and see whether or not the hate is coming from a place of hurt, perhaps they would change their practices. I don't know what to do about people who just genuinely feel they are naturally better than others, or whose belief system teaches them such.

If you can't feel compassion, caring, and understanding for yourself, you can't feel those for anyone else.  I believe you are correct - there is a hurt child behind the hatred.

Hi Leslie:

Thanks for sharing from the heart. I appreciate the tone, style, and risk of not waiting til the piece edited or "presented" as is often done. There are plenty who believe that free-writing or expressive writing (done stream of conscious, without lifting the pen off the paper, without minding rules of grammar or even spelling) produces writing that is more authentic, and even healing, below the judging mind. I'm one of those people. 

Free-writing is a style of writing that can contain our deepest wisdom but also be expressed in conversational language. Anyhow, thanks for sharing your thoughts, questions and this style and voice. 

Cissy