There is one sure form of guidance you can follow every moment of the day, even in today's most turbulent of times, to ensure that you follow the path in life that is truly right for you, truly good for you. The simple way of describing this form of guidance is: making self-loving or self-compassionate choices for yourself in the present moment. Be guided by your heart-sense regarding your every thought and action. When things don’t turn out the way you want them to, instead of blaming and shaming yourself, respond in ways that are loving and kind toward yourself. Instead of reacting to difficulties or challenges with fear, get in touch with the feeling of love for yourself and be guided by what is loving toward you.
There may be no greater love than the love that a parent has for a child; and yet, when a parent’s anger or frustration flares in reaction to a child’s behavior, love for the child ceases to be the parent’s guide. The parent goes into “attack mode”. The same is true of our way of relating to ourselves. When we feel stressed, instead of connecting with our heart to be guided by what feels like a loving way of treating ourselves in the present moment, we go into self-attack mode, or into a hard mode of attacking our problems.
Following the right path in any given moment, through any given situation, could not be simpler. Instead of going into your head, go into your heart. When a strong emotional, stressful reaction seizes you, relax to it and let yourself feel it for a while. Then ask yourself, “What do I need frommeto feel better?” Don’t go to your thoughts for the answer. Stay with your feelings. Let your feelings guide you into doing what makes you feel good, even joyously empowered, liberated and free deep down inside.
You may worry about what will happen to you if you don’t seize control of your circumstances, but all that does is block your capacity to feel love for yourself and to be guided by what your love knows is truly good for you. Love is truth, plain and simple. When you feel deep love for someone you can follow love’s guidance to act in ways that bring joy, comfort, safety and love into that person’s experience. The same holds true for your ability to bring joy, comfort, safety and love into your own experience. By following your feeling of what is loving toward you, you are following your accurate sense of what is truly good for you right now. This sense is the most accurate and reliable form of guidance we as human beings have. This is why every major religion stresses the importance of love.
To love your enemy means that you relate to your enemy in ways that your heart tells you is truly good for that person, and abstain from actions that your heart-sense tells you would be harmful. If you cannot do this, you end up sending out what you do not want to come back to you, and it will come back. To love your neighbor means the same thing. It means that you go into your heart to relate with that individual in ways that your heart senses are good for that individual, and refrain from any acts that your heart senses would be hurtful. The more we exercise our capacity to live under love’s guidance, the stronger and clearer that guidance grows.
Right now is your opportunity to exercise your love’s sense. If you overlook your present opportunity, you dim your sensibility to love’s guidance and render yourself more prone to ignoring that guidance in the future. Every moment is life’s gift of love if we accept it as such. Whatever you are going through, however trying it may seem, however crazy the world appears, you can count on love to see you through. Whatever your ambitions for the future, if you stray off the path of what feels truly loving to you right now, the fruits of your labor will include a disconnection from your heart. Your love will take care of all of your needs, if you trust in it.
Here is a simple practice for getting in touch with your self-compassion:
Step 1: Relax your body and focus on your feelings. Notice whatever feeling of mood, attitude or emotion is present. Notice the feeling of the energy flowing through your body.
Step 2: Think of a time when you felt love. It could be love for anyone, or even for a pet. Don’t just think about that feeling of love. Let yourself feel it.
Step 3: Feel that sense of love that you felt for another; then feel it for yourself. Don’t think about yourself in positive ways – just FEEL the feeling of love for yourself.
Step 4: Just as your love has guided you in your way of relating with who or what you have loved in the past, let that feeling guide you right now. Notice any thinking that you engage in and ask yourself if it feels loving. Consider any action you might take that would express your love for yourself, that would help you to feel loved, to feel better right now, and take it.
As you persevere in your practice of living under love’s guidance your heart’s message becomes undeniably revealed. Perhaps the biggest challenge here, though, is trusting in love to meet your needs. It seems that only when we have had enough of internal, emotional suffering are we ready to “take the plunge” into love as a “last resort”. As the pressures of today’s world build, it seems that more and more of us are ready to take that plunge into the wisdom of our loving hearts. And when we do, we discover that love is our perfect, present guidance and, in effect, our perfect source.
Living under love’s guidance is a skill that I help individuals develop in my phone coaching, using a process I call The Method. In this work I guide individuals into developing conscious self-compassionate through recovering from painful emotional reactions, deepening their practice of mindfulness and accessing the courage to follow the guidance of their heart that is available every moment.
The result is a more joyful, empowered, loving life of growing fulfillment, more meaningful and harmonious relationships, more sacred parenting and teaching of young children, and authentic success.
As our love-sense awakens and clarifies we recognize at once when others are relating with us in unloving ways, and know exactly what to do to ensure that we continue along the path of flourishing self-compassion.
Feel welcome to email me at bob@boblancer.com to set up a time to discuss your interest in this work over the phone.
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