Suicide - Riding Through Difficult Emotions

I agree Cheryl. 

We are in a very rough spot in human history--  because while we need to help people who are already hurting, we also have to change the fact that most kids are not getting the nurture they need.  We have to plug the hole in the bottom of the bucket.  We have to name the lack of nurture, and connect it to things like later suicidality and addiction, at the same time as we are teaching skills to people who already got shortchanged.  We have to have these difficult discussions, and confront existing systems like very early daycare that can damage future wellbeing.  

Other societies give financial support to new parents to stay home, which America should be doing.    When we total up the lifespan costs of not giving kids enough nurture, supporting parental care of infants will be a lot cheaper in the long run.

Yes, Laura, that's the way most of us should learn how to self-soothe.

But unfortunately in today's world, with most mothers returning to work when the child is barely 3 months old and left in daycare where there are another 10 kids who demand attention most kids internal self-soothing mechanism has been impaired.

Then one has to make a conscious effort to learn how to regulate and ride through difficult emotions.

The main skill that undergirds both non-suicidality and of non-addictiveness-- and the skill that can be obliterated by early trauma-- is Emotional Self Regulation.  Kids learn Emotional Self Regulation as babies and toddlers, by being regulated externally (soothed) by an attuned, reliable caregiver many thousands of times.    If every time a baby feels distressed, someone safe assists and comforts the baby-- by changing a wet diaper, feeding, comforting, holding that baby-- then a pattern of "I feel bad briefly, but there is help, and soon, I feel good again" is learned.  The skills of positive self talk, self-encouragement, and self-empathy are also learned by being modeled and happening consistently from the outside.

The way kids learn to 'ride the waves' is someone riding them out alongside them, and modeling how. 

Thank you, Linda.

Yup, sometimes it does feel difficult to hang on. That's the time our personal faith whatever it is comes to our aid. 

May you have the courage to ride through your challenges.

Love & Hugs

Hi Cheryl, 

Thank you for your insight and wisdom about this very difficult topic. 

I am forever grateful that you chose to ride those waves and stay with us. What a glorious companion you are to the lives of so many people. 

I agree with you 1000% about teaching our children how to ride the waves of difficult times.

I am discovering that because of developmental trauma I am having to bring into my life so many developmental and relational skills that I did not learn when I was younger. I am thrilled that we can always transform those rocky starts in life and develop what we need for our now moment. 

Big hugs! ❤️