It's common knowledge that bad experiences in childhood can cause serious problems later in life. Abuse, neglect, exposure to violence, substance abuse and other serious "adverse childhood experiences" (ACEs) impact everything from brain development, learning and mental health to migraines, cancer and autoimmune disease.
But if you ask me, the worst damage from ACEs shows up in the ways we seek and create romantic relationships -- the unavailable people, the people we just met, the addicts, the flakes and the total jerks to whom we end up deeply attached. We date them. We marry them. We have children with them. We fight them, and leave them, or get left by them, and then become desperate to make them come back, or stay away. We live long stretches of our lives lonely and trapped.
I would know. As someone with an ACE score of 8, I fit one of the classic profiles of adults who grew up around alcoholism and addiction. I was the responsible kid, helping with younger children, earning money, getting straight A's at school, maintaining close ties with my girlfriends. But when boys came into the picture I degenerated very quickly, becoming depressed, irresponsible, overweight and obsessed. I was still a high achiever, which helped me look "OK" despite the roller coaster ride around relationships that continued throughout out much of my adult life. My recovery was spotty and gradual at first, and normal-people solutions like therapy and self-help books didn't help.
When I figured out what did help, everything changed. And now I teach other people with Childhood PTSD how they can cut the drama and recover too.
READ MORE AT THE CRAPPY CHILDHOOD FAIRY BLOG, HERE.
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