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The Academy of Pediatrics Calls to End Spanking, and APSAC agrees!

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)  released an updated policy statement advising parents against the use of spanking as a disciplinary tool. They have concluded that spanking “increases aggression in young children in
the long run and is ineffective in teaching a child responsibility and self-control,” and urge parents to employ more supporting forms of
discipline.
APSAC commends the AAP for taking this position and urges the members of the many disciplines working with child maltreatment to implement this recommendation into your practice. National experts working with APSAC  offer the following scientific evidence to support the harm cause by hitting children.
What we know:
• Results  from large scale studies show that hitting children increases their risk for multiple detrimental outcomes. Brain development, social skills, and mental health are all at risk.
Children carry the lessons of violence from the parental relationship into their social lives, showing greater risk for perpetrating dating violence as adolescents and partner violence as adults; this is a logical consequence of learning that violence is an appropriate way to deal with anger.
Countries that have implemented bans on spanking  have lower rates of physical fighting among adolescents compared to those that have not. This is especially relevant at a time when social violence is dominating too many news cycles.
Most adults in the U.S. were spanked as children and justify spanking because they feel that they turned out OK. Parenting practices change over time in response to new health information such as this new, strong recommendation from the AAP.
What we can do:
The task falls to everyone working to prevent child maltreatment and
promoting the wellbeing of children to correct the misconception that
spanking is harmless. Professionals can reach out to educators,
clergy, community-based organizations, youth serving agencies, and
others to work together to empower parents to raise their children to
be strong and healthy, in the safest way possible. We can encourage
people to:
Support parents when they need help and share simple techniques like redirecting a child’s behavior when they are being inappropriate or withholding privileges.
Remind parents and anyone who disciplines children that supporting positive behavior is always the best first step in seeking to change the way children act.
Remind parents that spanking is often the result of the parent’s frustration in the moment and help them realize the importance of stepping back to think before reacting.
Refer parents to websites like the AAP’s Healthy Children and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s positive parenting tips.
Encourage organizations, institutions, sports leagues, and even entire communities to become No-Hit Zones.


APSAC is an interdisciplinary professional society established to address society’s response to the abuse and neglect of its children by promoting effective interdisciplinary approaches to identification, intervention, treatment, and prevention of child maltreatment. We fully support this policy statement from the AAP and are optimistic about the benefits that will accrue to children and parents as more positive methods of disciplining children become the norm in the United States.

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Laura -- What wonderful examples of non-violent parenting, or rather what we should think of as "parenting" -- this should be our default position. Violent parenting would really be the aberration! I have been teaching about a child-centered approach to in a class called "Violence in the World of Children" for over 25 years. It is a relatively simple, not complicated concept. You capture is beautifully! Students in the class usually come to two conclusions once they have studied this approach: First, they see that it's best and relatively simple to support the human dignity of children (listen, respect, empower). It makes the violations of children's human dignity that lead to "coping" rather than development seem so non-sensical. The second is that their childhood experiences matter in their current adult lives. This is a rather humbling conclusion that often leads them to stop thinking of adult positions as "better" than childhood but rather as an extension of their childhoods. This helps them see children and adults in the same boat trying to get from here to there with personal and collective meaning and contributions. 

Thank you for your insights!!

I learned about non-violent parenting at a much deeper level when I became a CASA.  My CASA kid was terribly abused in early childhood.  She frequently dissociated in emotional situations.  She had had 2 CASAs prior to me.  

My mission was to establish a trusting, warm relationship with her.  It was clear to me that the "wiggle room" I had with my own kids -- such as the right to say "absolutely not" or use a raised voice-- did not apply to this girl, period.  Everything other than supreme gentleness could easily shut her down.

I decided to model "unconditional positive regard" in a very conscious way.

I really focused on being a solid platform and a secure container for all her ideas, emotions and experiences--  someone who could really see, contain, and accept whatever she brought my way.  I would consciously focus on this mission before arriving to meet her, envisioning myself literally being a deck-like platform and bearing the weight of her.  I had a ready "yes" and a ready smile to whatever she came up with wanting to do or talk about together, whatever she brought up, and made sure to express my pleasure and enjoyment of our time together and listening to all her ideas.  We did "co-regulating" activities (Bessell Van der Kolk) like tennis and ping pong and adaptive riding.  She responded beautifully to this approach.  

The only thing I ever insisted on prior to her turning 18 was that we meet with three trauma-focused therapists offering non-CBT approaches (because she still had significant distress, despite several rounds of CBT).  I told her I thought it was my responsibility to expose her to good resources for her to know about, and use later on if desired.  She agreed, and we saw one EMDR guy and two Neurofeedback people, and she liked one of those, and agreed to try NF with him.  Which really changed her life.  She is now thriving at a UC and no longer anxious or depressed.

Bringing this back to new parenting skills...

More recently, for the last 4-5 months, I have been helping out with a friend & her two small children one afternoon a week: an 8 month old and a 2.5 year old.  My "CASA" skills have been incredibly applicable to these little ones.  For example, the older was crying, yelling, and tantruming, wanting her mom's attention, when the baby was in an even worse state of meltdown need.  And the "container" strategy worked like a charm.

I picked her up, and said quietly into her ear "I can see how much you want your mom to pick you up, and I am not your Mom--  but I am your friend, and I will help you wait for her...  I can see you feel sad, but I will keep on helping you until you feel better.  Is there something we can do together while we are waiting?  Etc.

She was totally calm within 2-3 minutes.  Just by being mirrored and offered help.

Even a baby can be reached with mirroring.  When he cries, I work on empathic facial expressions and vocalizations of noticing his distress, and crooning to him soothingly and sympathetically, and that calms him rapidly as well.

There were plenty of times with my own kids I would have raised my voice in the moment of two kids screaming bloody murder, or said "hush!"  Having spent time as a CASA, working on 100% non-violent skills and empathy, it did not occur to me.  

I think non-violence is based on trust.  You trust the child's emotions are genuine and overwhelming to them.  You trust they can pull out of it with support and empathy.  You keep your cool and model the calm you want them to learn.  You offer help.

Thank you for the notice about the AAP Policy Guidance on hitting / spanking children. Here is some material journalists (and parents) might find useful! 

Here is a link to a Letter from Dr. Robert Sege, lead author of the new AAP policy. At the end it contains many links to references relating to alternatives to hitting. 

Here's a link to a simple pamphlet about how paying attention to and changing our language (and perspective) is a great alternative. Words NOT to Live by / Words TO LIVE by. Also refer journalists to Joan Durrant's Positive Discipline in Everyday Parenting. A great resource! 

Be sure to send send these links to journalists along with the policy. 

Can the ACES Connection journalists write more about the effectiveness of non-violent parenting strategies? The news on the deleterious effects of spanking is always useful, but many people can't imagine what the alteratives are and "how could anything be as effective as a swat on the behind." We need to spark some new thinking.

 

100% agree.  Spanking tells small people that big people are allowed to hurt them.

In 1977, Dr James Prescott of the NIH showed that the least violent societies, which also happen to be low suicide societies, almost always carry their babies around.  This is another important practice for nonviolence.

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