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The Gymnasts and the Judge

 

US Olympics Gymnastics Team: Laurie Hernandez, Gabby Douglas, Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, and Madison Kocain  Right: Judge Rosemarie Aquiline
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I pledge my allegiance to over 150 women who stood up in Judge Rosemarie Aquilina’s courtroom, found their voices, stepped into the national floodlights of attention and gave themselves an experience in courage; a sparkling courage that is rippling out to us all. What grit! What moxie! What lightning bolts of inspiration is each and every one of them.

Another set of accolades I send out to Judge Aquilina. Armed with her judicial power she fostered an incredibly important act of empowerment in this 21st Century movement for resistance to and elimination of the sexual exploitation that has existed as long as history has been recorded.

Both sides of this equation are absolutely necessary for the eradication of sexual exploitation in all its horrendous forms: Survivors standing tall, with cameras rolling, telling their stories, and a representative of the power base clearing the room, providing unlimited space and time for those stories. Take as long as you need to say all you want to say she told them. How can I even express the vast importance of that level of validation? It has ramifications – the yet to be seen results and consequences of these acts of courage and use of power. 

How many survivors witnessing these acts are being fed a dose of validation and inspiration? I love that these women are standing – heads held high atop strong spines. Such a grand contradiction to the years my spirit lived well into my thirties crouched in a fetal position doing all she could to hold down my fathers crime because of his oft- repeated threat, ‘You tell anyone and I’ll kill you.’ I’m certain each time a survivor stands up and proclaims their experience a thousand sister and brother survivor’s spirits unfold, take a deep breath and have a good stretch. I wish I could stand before each and every one of these amazing women, look them right in the eye and say “Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

The responses Judge Aquiline offered after the victim statements were a grand about-face to the all-too-often victim blaming that happens. She underscored statement after statement with praise, gratitude, and support for the women who came forward. Things like, “The military has not yet come up with fiber as strong as you” calling them “heroine” and “superhero” and “Mattel ought to make toys so that little girls can look at you and say, ‘I want to be her.’ Thank you so much for being here, and for your strength.” What really choked me up was when she said, “Leave your pain here and go out and do your magnificent things.”

Where, dear goddess, did this cowboy booted judge with a terrific upsweep hairdo come from? No matter – all that matters is she is here, now. Here for these young women who survived childhood sexual abuse, here for the millions of us like them. Here too, as a shining searchlight for all who have power – to follow her stellar example and use that power for the greater good, in the battle to end this epidemic.

One thing about the man Lawrence Nassar, I believe he wasn’t born an abuser. Whatever brought him to commit his crimes – like all abusers – must be purged from our culture for this epidemic to be stopped. 

We are living not just a #METOO / Times Up moment – it is a movement and the gymnasts and judge are major engines in keeping the momentum going. You can, too. Join by giving gratitude to the doers, financial support to organizations serving survivors and your voice anywhere and everywhere you can use it. Come on along – this is one hell of a ride!

 Thanks for reading.

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  • Ajudge: Left: US Olympic’s Gymnastics Team: Laurie Hernandez, Gabby Douglas, Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, and Madison Kocain  Right: Judge Rosemarie Aquiline

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Thank you, Donna, for honoring this moment.  The way that Judge Aquilina presented the entire sentencing procedure was extensive and thorough.  She brought in the statistics, the history, and the total impact for the survivors, the community, and even her own family - everything was considered, nothing was left out.  When she turned to Nassar's actions she was not going to be swayed by his lame apologies. 

The victims have been heard and believed.  How empowering.  The right judge at the right time, finally.  Gold medals for them all!

Edith       

I, too, believe the courage of the gymnasts in speaking up and of the judge in validating their voices is important. However, as a psychotherapist, I have also found that some of my clients with sexual abuse history find that the disclosures trigger their own memories, which in turn trigger PTSD symptoms. Those who work with survivors should keep in mind both the up and downside of these disclosures so we can be mindful of it in our work.

Hi Donna:

Thank you for your perspective, writing and voice here. This is a wonderful piece. My reactions have been different and I've been feeling pained listening to each and every woman and witnessing and honoring so much needless suffering and the far reaching implications for so many. I go through grief, relief that people are listening and also excitement that things are actually changing. But sometimes I'm just knee deep in the grief and this, all true AS well as grief, is good to read today. THANK YOU!

This piece is fabulous and uplifting. Thank you. Cissy

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