This essay is part of a special issue of PREE magazine that seeks to raise awareness of the causes and impacts of ACEs in the Caribbean and elsewhere. PACEs Connections is working closely with PREE to ensure the issue reaches a broad audience. Click here to read the full essay on PREE’s website.
PREE is a unique online magazine for contemporary writing from and about the Caribbean. This special issue on ACEs is co-edited by children’s writer Juleus Ghunta and PREE’s editor-in-chief Annie Paul.
“Our ancestors knew that healing comes in cycles and circles. One generation carries the pain so that the next can live and heal. One cannot live without the other, each is the other’s hope, meaning and strength.”
Gemma N Benton
Childhood adversity refers to a wide range of circumstances and events that pose a serious threat to children’s physical and emotional well-being. These potentially traumatic experiences can permanently scar children’s sense of self, and may cause them to see the world as unsafe and threatening. This can lead to distrust and even hatred for everything and everyone and may turn into unfounded feelings of shame and guilt that may continue into adulthood. This was the case with Donovan whom I met several years ago. At the time, I did not understand the depths of his pain. I wish I knew then what I know now.
When I greeted Donavan, I was unsure of how this dishevelled person would respond to me. I was told to be on guard as he had tendencies to show rage and violence, but no one mentioned that his rage stemmed from hidden wounds of past traumas he had suffered – traumas that pierced the very core of his soul. As a boy, he did not possess the language needed to communicate his experiences, and even if he did, no one would have listened to him. So, this young man suffered in silence, bereft of the means to convey his pain. The intensely painful and overwhelming feelings associated with being neglected as a child can take tremendous energy to manage. For Donovan, it meant a daily battle to control his emotional dysregulation. This daily struggle kept Donovan on a long, lonely trek down a dark path, far away from the path that would have helped him to heal.
The traumas that Donovan endured are not the same as those that many other children endure. But no matter the challenge, no trauma should be permanently ignored. Every new encounter or event is impacted in some way by your childhood trauma, even though you may not be aware of it. Many people organise the patterns of their lives so that they shield themselves from further pain as if the trauma were still happening in real-time. The long shadow of trauma holds survivors hostage until it can no longer be silenced. No matter our level of success in life, if we do not face our trauma, we will continue to labour under the burden of our past.
Donavan lived with deep anger and rage. He said that his “childhood was full of physical and mental abuse. The fights between my parents were frightening. But that was my normal. It was only during the times when my dad was sent to jail that all the chaos was silenced. That was when I felt the first sense of relief, even if only for a brief moment. I slept better at night during those times. For me, there was no safe space in the world, especially not my home.” What Donovan didn’t know was that his parents had grown up in similar circumstances and had unresolved anger and fear that made their lives a constant challenge.
Read the full article in PREE magazine
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