There was a time in my 30s, when I thought of myself as an “Ice Princess.” A nickname I had given myself in believing I was stronger than the early childhood abandonment wound I inherited — stronger than the devastating, tragic death of my young husband, leaving me alone to literally fight for my own life at age 23.
An emotion that I now understand decades later was me living in “survival mode” a self-protecting mechanism activated by my young developing brain, resulting from early childhood trauma. A survival mechanism that some perceive as an uncaring behavior.
“Trauma fundamentally means a disconnection from self.” “Why do we get disconnected? Because it’s too painful to be ourselves.” — “Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” (Dr. Gabor Mate’)
As for the Ice Princess I believed I once was, the ice has since slowly started to melt, beginning with my soul-searching quest in researching trans-generational and childhood trauma and its impact on the body, mind and spirit, as well as our interactions with life and relationships. Research that, over time, became the key to emotional understanding, as it brought light and clarity to all that has been my life. Like pieces of a puzzle, it was in “understanding” the impact and dynamics of trauma that brought together all the scattered and lost pieces of my life.
“Trauma is about loss of connection — to ourselves, to our bodies, to our families, to others and to the world around us. This loss of connection is often hard to recognize because it doesn’t happen all at once. It can happen slowly, over time, and we adapt to these subtle changes sometimes without even noticing them.” (Peter A. Levine, PhD.)
Fast forward to today, a time when a wonderful opportunity presented itself, all thanks to a local, awe-inspiring, yoga instructor and business owner who has been offering free meditation Zoom classes, making it a gift I couldn’t help but embrace. What I would quickly and unexpectedly learn is that these guided meditations immediately connected within, bringing to the forefront, emotions that normally do not easily rise to the surface of my heart. Emotion, that would bring tears to my eyes starting with my very first mediation experience and continued to surface with each meditation class that followed.
However, it was during my fourth meditation class, when the topic of “living in survival mode” brought about a personal revelation; I was “coming back home to me.” The journey of re-connecting to myself. The one person I never wish to lose again.
“Every human being has a true genuine authentic self, and the trauma is that disconnection from it and the healing is the reconnection with it.” (Dr. Gabor Mate’, The Wisdom of Trauma)
“What is trauma-related disconnection and why does it happen?” As complex as the brain is, one of its primary functions is to keep us safe. Traumatic stress has a broad range of effects on brain function and structure, as well as on neuropsychological components of memory. The impact of trauma is in the survival part of the brain, which does not return to baseline after the threat is over. Biologically, trauma has been shown to impact the brain’s limbic system, which is responsible for behavioral and emotional responses. It’s involved in the autonomic nervous system response that we feel when we sense danger. In other words, our survival instinct. When the brain goes into stress or is stuck in stress, it leads to physical changes and a complicated ripple of life-altering symptoms.
“When experiences are traumatic (during early childhood), the pathways getting the most use are those in response to the trauma; this reduces the formation of other pathways needed for adaptive behavior. Trauma in early childhood can result in disrupted attachment, cognitive delays and impaired emotional regulation. Also, the overdevelopment of certain pathways and the underdevelopment of others can lead to impairment later in life”. (Bruce Perry, 1995).
“How can we help heal trauma-related disconnection?” When we embark on trying to heal trauma, we typically imagine that we will reach a place where our lives are free from the suffering that arises from our wounds, and where trauma no longer has any effect on our lives. This is not what happens. We cannot change our past. To achieve that we have to find new and healthier ways of being with the pain and fear embedded in the traumatizing experiences, and just as importantly, we have to transform the trauma-world that developed around them. (Daniela F. Sieff, PhD.)
Treatment for trauma ideally involves a holistic treatment plan that focuses on a person’s entire being, including their thoughts, emotions and physical sensations. In terms of the brain, it is important to learn about skills to help get the prefrontal cortex back online, as well as approaches to soothe an overactive amygdala. Many of the effects of trauma are held in the body, and often survivors disconnect from their bodies as a way of distancing themselves from emotional pain and body sensations that can be triggering. Research also supports body-oriented treatments for trauma, such as yoga or other forms of body-focused therapy. (Dr. Dana Ross).
Research supports that trauma survivors can engage in therapeutic activities that foster the mind-body connection, such as mindfulness, yoga, transformative breathwork and exercise. However, before starting any new therapeutic program, it’s best to first consult with a medical provider for, as stated by, David A. Treleaven, PhD,, “many who suffer under the weight of traumatic stress respond favorably to mindfulness meditation. But others may have a different experience, where the practice unintentionally lands them in more pain. Mindfulness practice doesn’t need to work for everyone, but I’ve become convinced that certain modifications to meditation can support survivors, at the very least ensuring that they are not re-traumatizing themselves in practice. “
To understand, the single most important issue for traumatized individuals is to recover a sense of feeling “safe” within their own sacred body — a personal journey of self-discovery, healing and reconnecting with oneself.
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