We are the We

Joint Post: Gail Kennedy & Christine "Cissy" White

We were talking about the Parenting with ACEs (this group as well as the process of parenting with ACEs).  We got animated, excited and went on and on and on (as we often do when we get to talking!)  

We decided to write a joint blog post to tell you about our conversation and ask you to weigh in on what you want. Read on our attempt at a combined post:

Gail's voice - I called to ask if Cissy thought there was need for a place on the Parenting with ACEs group site for parents to get resources, tools, materials for parents (non-academic, not too wordy but informative). We were trying to figure out how to get more dialogue going between people and how to share information in a way easy to access. Do people want resources and websites? stories? both?

And I realized well, heck, I am a parent.  We are the we that Jane Stevens referred to in her recent story where she said "Talking about ACEs normalizes the experiences of childhood adversity, brings them to light, and shows time and again how we’re all swimming in the same ACEs ocean, how we’re all breathing the same ACEs air".  I am a professional that works to help others address ACEs but I am also a parent with ACEs.  

Cissy and I talked about ways to keep the group useful to BOTH parents and professionals. Maybe we should have two parts of the site. One for parents and one for professionals.

But one of the things this site is aimed to do is to get us collaborating as parents and professionals.

Plus, lots of us are both.

But even for those of us who are both (and lots of other things as well), we can sometimes feel like we must keep the parent part of us separate from the professional part of us.

But when it comes to ACEs - is that really possible? desirable? useful?

Wondering how others feel about this? How do you come both as a professional and a parent with ACEs?   

Cissy's voice - We were saying how we often show up in one dominant role. And I admit, I feel pretty lucky that as an activist, writer and parent, I can share openly about personal topics, at this age and stage of my life. But that's true only now. It wasn't true and it wouldn't have been true at hardly any other stage of my life.

And, depending on the job I have, it might not feel or it might not be possible to share, as a parent or a person with ACEs.

So, I wonder what others think or feel?

I think there could be benefit from speaking more directly to one another.

I wonder if sometimes the way we speak, in our professional voice vs. our personal or parental voice, isn't part of the problem?

It's rarely the same voice.

The way we speak with peers isn't the same as how we speak at work. That makes sense and might even be smart. Sometimes. But it can also be part of the problem.

It can come across as remote, distant, impersonal. It can reinforce that us/them dynamic.

Is this part of the medicalizing of trauma? It is the medical model? Does it keep us from being more inclusive and effective? Does it reinforce the:

• us/them
• doctor/patient
• therapist/client

Does it remove the we even though we were all children who were parented in ways that impact our health?

How can we talk, as peers, referencing all of our experiences and expertise?

How can we share, heart to heart, without feeling like we're being unprofessional?

Is it possible, wise, desirable or safe?

Are the reasons that it isn't done more still valid in all cases? Maybe. But can it be re-examined, explored and discussed?

I'd love it if there were panels with parents and professionals speaking about a topic, say ACEs or trauma-informed parenting, and sharing experiences and insights and brainstorming together from these perspectives.

Heck, I'd like it if the same group of people, spoke half the time as parents and spoke half the time as professionals and considered both points of view. Together. As a team.

I'm not sure what the solution is and how to keep growing this space. That's going to be figured out by all of us.

I'd like to think we can explore this here. Maybe in chats. Maybe in discussions.

Your Voice (please): Gail and Cissy want to know:

What do you think?

What do you want?

What are you looking for as a member of Parenting with ACEs?

Please comment and/or join the Parenting with ACEs group.