Science is consistently proving how important mindset is in achieving overall well-being. Our thoughts and words subconsciously influence our behaviors, they often become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We receive verbal and non-verbal feedback from the outside world on a daily basis. Our own “inner critic” also provides continual feedback to us. This feedback, whether it be verbal or non-verbal, in itself means nothing. Where we get into trouble is when we perceive it to mean something about who we are as a person.
With that being said, let’s move to the topic of Trauma/Adverse Childhood Experiences/Chronic Toxic Stress. What words do you think are in the vocabulary of a child who grows up in a toxic, dysfunctional environment? Throughout the years, I have asked my clients what their childhoods were like. Here are the most common responses I heard...
- Crazy
- Dangerous
- Frightening
- Lonely
- Out of Control
- Powerless
- Unsafe
- Vulnerable
Over the years, I’ve spoken to thousands of women who experienced similar childhoods. Some of the thoughts that flood our conscious and unconscious mind included:
- I’m not smart enough
- I’m weak
- I’m not a good person
Look at the above lists closely. If you spoke and thought these words and phrases your entire life, do you think you have the attitude that “people and the world, in general, are there to support you” OR “people and the world, in general, are against you”.
If this is how you viewed yourself do you think you have the belief that you have some say in your life or that you are more of a victim and have very little power over your life?
If you said “victim” you are correct. My personal and professional experiences have shown me that adversity and low self-worth often create a “victim” mindset.
If you already feel like a victim, how do you think the person with a history of ACE’s is going to perceive us asking “What happened to you?
Now, I’ve trained myself to challenge old false self-beliefs yet there is still a small part of me that gets defensive when I hear this question. Here is why…it insinuates that something is wrong with me.
“What happened to you” has the potential to trigger the victim mindset. I wonder why we don’t just say “Have you ever experienced anything that made you feel uncomfortable or bad about yourself?
As always, simply food for thought.
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