Skip to main content

Which weighs upon the heart (www.hekint.org) & Commentary

 

I read this article shared by the Foundation for Excellence in Mental Health Care. It's written by Murad Moosa Khan.

To me, it's about the healing power of stories, sharing and truth-telling. It's about the power of witnessing. Donna Jackson Nakazawa writes beautifully about the healing power of listening, in general and in particular about being asked about ACEs.

But still, there's so much fear about asking people about ACEs, hesitation and worry and anxiety about if or how to do so. There's worry that it  will upset or harm people. There's worry about what to do with whatever is shared. 

But listening is doing. Being heard is healthful. It doesn't mean there's not more to do, as well. It doesn't mean that it's not hard or means knowing or being reminded of grief, trauma, tragedy and injustice. But listening is an action, a healing one that can bring comfort.

It's not as though not asking and not listening is benign - as this article shows. Because what's done, often for years, in the absence of listening can be ineffective or harmful. 

Not asking. Not hearing. Not knowing. Not listening. Those things are all actions as well and they also have consequences. 

There is a wonderful aphorism in medicine: “Listen, listen, listen. The patient is telling you the diagnosis.”  This has been all but lost in this cacophonic age of instant communication and multi-tasking, an age where physicians neither have the time nor the ability to listen to patients’ stories.  It is much easier and safer to hide behind the sacred pages of the DSM manual and ICD codes, to diagnose a condition such as ‘major depression’  and prescribe medications for it. .

Is that what the patients want as well?
Actually, many do not want the prescriptions, and for many the medicines will not  work anyway. Many want their stories to be heard. They want to be listened to and understood, and for physicians  to help them come to terms with their fears and apprehensions, their guilt and trauma, their pain and suffering.

Many want us to practice slow medicine.

As she and her husband (whom I had called back in the room to explain what may he happening and how we need to address the problem) gathered their papers and got up to leave, I caught her eyes again. She gave me a brief smile.

It was at that moment I knew I had made a connection with the troubled lady with a weight upon her heart….

Full article.

Add Comment

Comments (5)

Newest · Oldest · Popular

Sure - Motivational Interviewing (MI) is a commonly taught approach (less commonly practiced) developed for eliciting change behavior (particularly substance abuse) Uses Stages of Change to help meet people where they're really at (e.g. not thinking about change)

At the heart is effective listening & conveying accurate empathy - meaning your learn how to reflect people's communications ("You're saying that you like pot, and don't want to stop")

Much more - but that's a nutshell.  Great practice! 

Wayne:
Could you share what Mot listening is. I've not heard of it before. I'm sure others would be interested as well.

My daughter was in Odyssey at school and we parents couldn't "help" even with guided questions (which were often suggestions or judgements) and it was SO HARD. The parents were only present to keep the kids from leaving the building, etc. but we couldn't help with the project or problem they are solving.

Cissy

Cissy - I have to own my "insecurity"  in that I worry that the response to focusing on listening will be; "Duh, we already know that".  Part of it may be the anxiety (which interferes w/ the listening) about what will I do about this story?  What magic words or healing techniques should I do next?  Maybe that's just me.

I do find Mot Interviewing offers the best practice in the art of good listening. When groups practice it, we invariably discover how hard it is & how much the desire to fix, problem-solve and give advice comes up. 

Dear Wayne:

Your comment made me laugh and is so important. Maybe listening needs a PR campaign! or a hip other word besides witnessing or some more studies to show the evidence-based impact?

Do you find people don't respond when you talk about it or does it just seem not new enough?

Dr. Claudia Gold wrote The Silenced Child and she writes A LOT about listening and how it is so healing in and of itself but also how it informs her own work as a doctor. I think many don't have the time to listen (and I admit, as a parent, I struggle with that as well). Maybe talk of listening more and better makes some of us feel bad? I don't know. But here one quote I like:

"But perhaps most important, the ACE study shows that we need to devote resources to early childhood. We need to listen for the story of the parent who struggles with depression or alcoholism, or who loses her cool and grabs her child and shakes him. We need to help parents whose marriage is faltering not to feel shame, but rather to get help. “

People aren't going to share the real struggles and problems and issues if they don't feel safe to be heard and without that, how can any intervention be effective? It's only going to address a little piece rather than what's maybe driving things.

As someone who has been in writing circles where people read and share out loud and NOTHING is said or only positive feedback, I know listening is HUGE and powerful and has impact. For the one listened to and the one listening. It can be so tender and intimate and powerful and maybe that's what is scary?

I guess we have to keep talking up the power of listening! Thanks for commenting!

Cissy

Thanks for sharing this post.  As a trainer, I've been insecure about emphasizing LISTENING as a fundamental healing act.  (Surely, there must be something more technical, more complex, something that can be memorized in a cool acronym...)  Good listening seems so uncommon, in our rush to move onto some other EBP sanctioned interventions.  

Post
Copyright © 2023, PACEsConnection. All rights reserved.
×
×
×
×
Link copied to your clipboard.
×