What is it that moves us towards wanting to be healthy? And what does healthy even mean for trauma survivors? It’s almost a trick question. On the one hand, we have society telling us this idea of health is not to feel the emotional impact of the world around us. On the other hand, we tell ourselves that feeling emotions are destructive, in some shape or the other. We tell ourselves that we shouldn’t be angry, happy, sad, or anything in between due to other people’s responses, which in its own right is a fallacy. The entire thought of removing ourselves from emotion is nonsense, and if you are anything like me, you understand what it’s like to be or become dissociated. And yet society says don’t get too happy unless it’s over that new car you can’t afford and don’t get too sad unless it’s over that huge medical procedure that your insurance isn’t going to cover. I suspect that the longer we hide from our emotional capacity, the worse off we all are.
I learned, like many, to suppress my emotions at all cost, not only due to the potential of rejection but also because becoming robotic became a defense mechanism for safety. But how does that help us now as adults? How does our ability to turn off create anything sustainable in our lives? I don’t think that you can truly live if you are not allotting yourself the space to be a human being. Yet, we are faced with this conflicting message - be more emotional but not too much because you might interrupt the status quo. To feel is human. To exist in whatever state we dare step into is our right as a living organism that just so happens to be lucky enough to have a brain that developed the ability to do so. And we run from that.
I don’t know that there will be an easy solution for creating a change in society around human emotion because we are scared of that side of us. We are terrified of conflict and the idea that it won’t always be ok. And that’s fine by me. I recognize that this is a huge blanket statement as a whole and that some people, trauma survivors included, may not fall into this boat, but that feels like the minority. I hope that we can change together; this is an internal power struggle that we face independently while also facing it collectively, and it’s kind of a clusterfuck.
What would it be like to be able to feel the full range of who we are? I think it would be beautiful and scary and everything in between. But at least we would be in it, not hiding from the fact that boys cry and girls get angry and successful people are miserable, and some people just need to be heard. We fear the repercussions of being seen because we have learned experiences that point to the idea that we should be afraid to be us, and we come by that honestly.
As a man who didn’t cry for fifteen years, I have felt what it feels like to become human again. It was a painful process of growth, self-reflection, and learning to be vulnerable with myself. In that journey, I also learned that it’s OK to be angry, sad, proud, and hopeful - none of these emotions were previously a healthy understanding for me. Today, as I reflect on moments of crying over Addidas ads, feeling a rush of energy during romcoms, and the general sense of aliveness that comes when connected with other human beings, I can’t help but be grateful for knowing the other side.
I wish I could take my feelings of wanting everyone to be safe within their emotions and sprinkle it on the world. I guess in some ways I do as I write this, but that thing inside of us that is scared to be seen just needs to be nurtured and given a little space to be safe. I challenge you to find that for yourself and experience the fullness of the light, the dark, and the gray.
Until next time my friend…
Be Unbroken,
-Michael
P.S. You can take my brand new 1-hour course: The Key to Healing for FREE. Click Here:www.linktr.ee/michaelunbroken
Michael@ThinkUnbroken.com
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