Today I’m going to talk about one of the most important concepts on the road to healing for a trauma survivor: consistency.
Why is it so important? Many who have endured trauma experienced it during childhood, where they faced overwhelming neglect or danger they couldn’t escape. This could be due to family members who didn’t set clear, safe boundaries or parents or adults who interacted with a child inappropriately. It could be due to a parent’s use of alcohol or drugs, an abusive parent, or an anxious or depressed parent or family member who was unable to be present for their child. Perhaps a teacher or a clergy person abused their power, leaving a younger person to struggle with the aftermath.
Whatever the specific reasons, the child grew up forming an insecure, anxious or disorganized attachment style (rather than secure attachment). Because of their specific circumstances growing up, trauma survivors may find it difficult to trust the world around them, understandably so.
Consistency is an important quality in all approaches to treating trauma. Through consistency, trauma can be repaired and heal. A healthier approach for life can be created—in the trauma survivor’s relationships and with their children should they become parents.
Where Consistency Starts in Therapy
One of the most frequent comments I get from my clients is, “You are so consistent. I can hear you in my head, and you always say the same thing.”
This is wonderful news to me as a therapist, because it’s my job (and my passion) to bring this kind of stability and assurance to my clients. Through trauma informed therapy, secure attachment that wasn’t gained in childhood can be learned as an adult. It’s reparative. And when a client knows that what you say is what’s going to happen, they can learn to trust, and then learn to trust in real-world relationships.
Consistency in real life
This is where you come in! Secure attachment can be learned as an adult not only through therapy, but also through emotionally healthy relationships. Spouses, partners and friends who are consistent with their words and actions support trust and healing.
» Read more about: Why Consistency is a Powerful Force for Healing Trauma »
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