We live in a world where so many of us don’t understand the facts versus the myths about sexual abuse of children, and the devastating emotional and financial effects it has on us and our country. Perhaps that is why it’s just easier to say: “Why don’t you just get over it?” I suppose that question is easier to ask than to entertain the possibility that CSA (child sexual abuse) is happening in every community across this country.
I received a comment from someone asking me to talk more about the sexual abuse of boys, and some of the negative reactions he experienced with his disclosure of the truth. Girls do not hold a monopoly on CSA, as the statistics show now (1/4 girls and 1/6 boys will be sexually molested by their 18th birthday). I am sure the statistics will eventually reflect that the abuse will be evenly distributed between both sexes of our children.
Now try this on for size. Humans are so tightly connected through our DNA, more than we ever imagined. In fact, according to Prof. Marcus Feldman of Stanford University, quoted in Science magazine:
- “…all humans are 99.9 per cent identical and, of that tiny 0.1 per cent difference, 94% of the variation is among people from the same populations and only six per cent between people from different populations.” This was posted by Roger Highfield, science editor at The Telegraph.
Once you let that fact settle into your bones and your heart, it becomes clear that when we harm another person, we are also harming ourselves. The statistics of child sex abuse are correct, but only as far as what has been reported. In reality, well over 80% of all sexual abuse is NEVER reported.
- According to a study by Dr. David Finkelhor, close to 2/3 of all child victims may not tell their parents or anyone else because the fear being blamed, punished or not believed.
The bottom line is that no child (male or female) should ever be abused by ANYONE. Sexual abuse and other maltreatment inflicted upon our world’s children has created the very world we live in now.
Millions of adults are walking around with wounded souls. How can we begin to teach our own children about kindness and love and empathy, when so many of us have not rescued our own inner child? As adults we have many choices. Here are a couple:
- we can abandon our inner child
- we can go within and take your child's hand. Let them know she/he are safe, loved, and will that you will never let him/her be hurt again. You become the parent of your own inner child.
Adult survivors of childhood abuse are finding their voices (there are 42 million of us in the US alone). And together, we are speaking our truth, and letting go of a shame and guilt that was NEVER ours to carry. Eventually, the realization of this epidemic will be brought into the light of day and we will be forced to deal with it.
Personally, I would much rather be proactive. But I’m used to the subject matter and understand that it is a very difficult and uncomfortable thing for many people to talk about and to hear. No More Silence (thank you Pamela Pine). Why don’t we let the healing begin?
And the most wonderful part of all of this is that not only are we healing ourselves, but we are helping children and young adults know that they are not alone. They do not have to fight this battle by themselves. The time for silence has ended. What a beautiful sound. Then we will know what it means to raise happy, healthy and safe children. That time is NOW.
- Randa Fox
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