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You Can Help Survivors: A Guide to Friends and Family of Survivors of Sexual Abuse & Assault Book Launch (www.healwritenow.com)

 

You can help. Isn’t that the best title?

Today is the day Rebecca Street’s book got launched out into the world. It’s a guide book for friends and family of survivors of sexual assault and abuse.

Whaoo… Congrats to her for being so bold, hopeful and ambitious. Rebecca is a survivor who is passionate about helping people. Not only does she care about other survivors but she cares for the people who love us as well. She felt there was a gap in the literature. What if people want to help survivors more and they just don’t know how. Here she explains why she wrote the book.

“The catalyst for You Can Help was a conversation I had with a close friend while still living in Los Angeles. My friend came to me one afternoon for guidance because she wanted to help someone dear to her recover from the ravages of sexual abuse. There was something redemptive in that exchange as I realized that I could transform the suffering from my own abuse into an instrument of healing. At the time, I found it surprising that there were no books addressing this need and realized then (and even more so now) that such a resource would help countless people and fill a big hole in the existing literature on sexual trauma.”

When I first heard about Rebecca’s book idea I doubted she would have many readers. I was pretty positive that the general public doesn’t give a crap about survivors at all.

I mean, many survivors of abuse and assault are hurt and betrayed by family, dates, teachers, coaches, priests and then betrayed again by communities that blame victims, protect abusers and minimize the impact.

That seems incompatible with caring a whole lot to me.

As Kathryn Harrison said on the Dear Sugar podcast about unspeakable family secrets:

“It became increasingly clear that the incest taboo is not quite as strong as the taboo against talking about it..”

Cheryl Strayed replied:

“That’s right. I always say that. I say that nothing that is so common is taboo. What is taboo is to talk about it. Honestly, people like you are breaking that taboo.”

And so people like Rebecca are trailblazers. For more on the author and the book and the contributors go here. 

To read more about my blog post about being involved with this book, go here

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Comments (3)

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Profoundly moved, thank you so, so much Cissy for sharing these powerful resources. I've just forwarded your post to my colleague so she may share with the family she's supporting in their journey of healing.

You are truly a Human Angel...
Thank you Cissy for everything you do for so many others...

In gratitude,
Dana

Dana Brown posted:

Thank you Cissy for sharing your critically imperative post! Just yesterday, a colleague of mine reached out for insight on how to help someone they know whose teen age daughter had been molested by her Uncle. Reaching out for counseling, they were treated with shame and blame. They're reeling in pain...

Sending my colleague the link to your post, this family will receive the loving guidance they so desperately seek.

Dana:

This website is a fantastic resource as well and also happens ot be ACE aware. http://themamabeareffect.org/b...cret-of-sexual-abuse

Please let the colleague know, as well as the family they know, that they have INCREDIBLE HEALING POWER in them and in their responses now. While they are devastated, to be sure, for not knowing, preventing and all the complicated stuff that goes with that. They are NOT helpless. Showing up supportive, kind, believing and loving and caring goes A LONG LONG LONG way. 

I have heard said, and I have said, not being believed is as painful as the abuse itself. SO much of the pain of this particular ACE is not only in the abuse but in not being believed or cared about responded to in a kind, warm, loving way. The fear, guilt, shame and sometimes dysfunction of those hearing can be so painfully damaging as well. So, the fact that they are talking and seeking support is amazing. 

I mean in no way to minimize this tragedy. Also, Cheryl Strayed did a Dear Sugar podcast about Unspeakable Family Secrets. https://www.pacesconnection.com/...-truths-www-wbur-org

I recommend it for two reasons. 1)the reminder that this is tragic but not uncommon. They aren't alone. 2)Cheryl Strayed, who was believed, supported and had a mother who responded quickly, compassionately and appropriately says that while the experience of being molested was of course painful, she doesn't feel it scarred and traumatized her because of the response she got. And because she writes about her experience. She doesn't carry that secrecy. 

Finally, James Pennebaker does all that stuff on healing impact of writing, and Donna Jackson Nakazawa's book summarizes it well. But the one thing I loved reading in his book, Opening Up, from the late 80's is that those who kept secrets has the most symptoms of poor health and that relieving those secrets improved health. 

All of this is a long way of saying, again, that support, acknowledgement, care and not allowing this teen to be shamed and getting helped rejecting that shaming and secrecy so it doesn't get internalized, and loving her up, is as healing a therapy as any intervention and they must not think it's nothing and that they are helpless. Their care is social activism and health promoting right now. Truly. 

On a personal note, and it's hard, but if they can all not act afraid of her or what happened to her and not look at her like she's broken or that she is the thing that happened to her. That's what a lot of survivors also say... we feel we carry responsibility for paining others with our pain (like vets who don't want to tell people the war stories because they think others can't or don't want details). But she isn't responsible for what happened to her and if they can remain acting like adults and not shrinking in that role, because trauma is scary and shaming, that lets her get to remain a teen too. 

O.k., this may be a little over the top and too much. I just feel for the situation and am saddened they got such a crappy response which is unfortunately not surprising. But it's wrong and so unfortunate and what helps mitigate the toxic impact of lots of ACEs is what they are attempting to do so it's about as important as anything. Caring and loving like that love pyramid post Jane shared. 

https://www.pacesconnection.com/...d-there-are-pyramids

Warmly, Cis

Thank you Cissy for sharing your critically imperative post! Just yesterday, a colleague of mine reached out for insight on how to help someone they know whose teen age daughter had been molested by her Uncle. Reaching out for counseling, they were treated with shame and blame. They're reeling in pain...

Sending my colleague the link to your post, this family will receive the loving guidance they so desperately seek.

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