I just want everyone to love everyone and to try to do our best to use this skill that I learned about in my reading this past year called “Mentalization.” I would like all of us to learn this skill and to use it in conversation with everyone we interact with. I never learned this skill in childhood because it is learned through the attachment process. From my reading, Mentalization is one of the essential skills that people need to be able to control our emotions and impulses. The skill differentiates humans from other primates.
I would also like to do my best to make sure that kids are safe with a secure attachment to parents and possessing secure base relationships. I’ve really come to understand how critically important a secure attachment is to child development and to stopping the intergenerational transmission of trauma in families like mine.
I’ve read all these books in the past year and they are excellent. Because of my lived experience trying to get knowledgeable professional help to treat my C-PTSD over the past several decades and because of my success in obtaining “help” that only traumatized and confused me more, I truly believe that those of us with complex ptsd / developmental trauma have to educate ourselves (my developmental trauma resulted from interpersonal trauma & abuse by parents both with disorganized attachment and who were both severely personality disordered). We have to be our own advocate like Lorenzo’s parents in Lorenzo's Oil. https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0104756/https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorenzo%27s_Oil We have to educate ourselves to the greatest extent that information is available to us because the information that we need to possess to make fully informed decisions about our psychological and physical health often isn’t available or even known by the doctors and therapists we seek help from. We have to be our own advocates and we have to think for ourselves. Healing trauma is a really difficult thing but if you don’t even know what happened to your mind, it’s almost impossible.
As my biology professor would always say at the end of each class ... He was a WWII pilot... “Peace, It’s truly wonderful.”
Much love to everyone doing all they can to know what you know and to heal from what feels almost unbearable & unspeakable.
I will speak out when I see transphobia. I have no problem with addressing the whole history of a young person, or any person, when they are expressing gender identity questions, but you're all talking about being trans like it's always a symptom of childhood trauma and not an actual variation of being human. Basically, I'm saying please don't rush to judgment in either situation. And please don't support transphobia in any form.
Lesbians are female homosexuals. Yes, males are excluded from the sex life of lesbians.
If you are interested in some of the things facing young lesbians right now, another thing you might be interested to read about is the "cotton ceiling". The cotton being the underwear of lesbians, and the ceiling being that heterosexual males who "identify" as women feel entitled to sex with lesbians, and any lesbian who is not sexually attracted to males who identify as women, are merely an obstacle or a challenge for those males to break through.
For me, it defies logic for many of us that such recently burgeoning numbers of trans-presenting kids (mostly natal girls) is just a natural human variation, showing itself at last due to lessening stigma. It's an explosion of young women not feeling comfortable in their bodies/selves. This is NEW whether or not trans-activists can admit it. I am 58 and grew up in a very liberal place (SF) and had many gay and non-confirming friends, but ZERO peers who were suicidal due to gender/ sex mismatch. That's MY lived experience, which informs my point of view.
Second, it defies logic that the way to deal with a 'natural variation' is lots of medical intervention and surgery, including being rendered sterile. Natural variations should not have to be medically treated.
Third identity is not in the eye of the beholder but in the interior of the person. So how others see you has very little to do with identity.
Fourth the notions of gender put forward by many transitioners is retrograde. Nothing about Caitlyn Jenner's way of embodying womanhood has anything to do with me or my womanhood. You hear about lunches with the girls and fingernails.... These are not 'primal' female traits!
I support the right of any adult to modify their body how they want and present how they want -- but I do not think recent huge numbers of dysphoric youth is historically normal, so of course I suspect increased trauma is driving these higher numbers.
Trauma = self hatred, dysphoria, feeling "worng" about ones self, feeling "broken" not fitting in, being isolated, feeling freakish, etc. These sequelae are VERY similar to the symptoms of gender dysphoria. There is a lot of crossover.
Trans activists pushing "affirmation" are hurting these people.
For me, it defies logic for many of us that such recently burgeoning numbers of trans-presenting kids (mostly natal girls) is just a natural human variation, showing itself at last due to lessening stigma. It's an explosion of young women not feeling comfortable in their bodies/selves. This is NEW whether or not trans-activists can admit it. I am 58 and grew up in a very liberal place (SF) and had many gay and non-confirming friends, but ZERO peers who were suicidal due to gender/ sex mismatch. That's MY lived experience, which informs my point of view.
Second, it defies logic that the way to deal with a 'natural variation' is lots of medical intervention and surgery, including being rendered sterile. Natural variations should not have to be medically treated.
Third identity is not in the eye of the beholder but in the interior of the person. So how others see you has very little to do with identity.
Fourth the notions of gender put forward by many transitioners is retrograde. Nothing about Caitlyn Jenner's way of embodying womanhood has anything to do with me or my womanhood. You hear about lunches with the girls and fingernails.... These are not 'primal' female traits!
I support the right of any adult to modify their body how they want and present how they want -- but I do not think recent huge numbers of dysphoric youth is historically normal, so of course I suspect increased trauma is driving these higher numbers.
Trauma = self hatred, dysphoria, feeling "worng" about ones self, feeling "broken" not fitting in, being isolated, feeling freakish, etc. These sequelae are VERY similar to the symptoms of gender dysphoria. There is a lot of crossover.
Trans activists pushing "affirmation" are hurting these people.
I will speak out when I see transphobia. I have no problem with addressing the whole history of a young person, or any person, when they are expressing gender identity questions, but you're all talking about being trans like it's always a symptom of childhood trauma and not an actual variation of being human. Basically, I'm saying please don't rush to judgment in either situation. And please don't support transphobia in any form.
Tanya, I know a 20 year old FTM who received hormones within one visit at University health Services. This individual had profound trauma as a kid, including RAD/ dissociation, and had shown no gender discomfort prior to suddenly announcing transition at age 20. Further, this person's instagram is full of girly/glam photos literally up to a few weeks ahead of the announcement of being trans, that are still up... ie, no intense discomfort in natal sex. (I do see intense discomfort withiin the *self* due to trauma.) But a gender therapist practicing "affirmation" does not delve into this.
"Do No Harm" is a medical principle that is NOT being followed when youth with serious very early life trauma present themselves at health services in emotional pain. All "dysphoria" is lumped into gender dysphoria now.
Further, it is tempting for a very hurt person to get some shots and a surgery in the vain hope that will help the psychological distress of having been hurt and abandoned. Trans becomes a "designated issue." Medicating and sterilizing and body modifying these youth with NO exploration of the etiology of trauma is CRIMINAL.
I am not so articulate.
Our job as doctors or social workers or counselors or whatever we do has to include demonstrating the courage to stand up for kids, especially vulnerable traumatized kids.
They feel like they don’t have anyone who cares (and often they haven’t had anyone) so when the medical profession shirks responsibility and doesn’t look deeply into the history to determine if there is trauma, there is a problem.
And I know from personal experience that U-MI hasn’t been the best in the past looking for serious early onset childhood trauma in young adult patients with severe mental health concerns like suicidality and recent suicide attempts. For me to believe that they do a good job now, they would have to prove it. And because this institution is considered one of the best in the US, I believe all institutions should have to prove it.
Tanya, I know a 20 year old FTM who received hormones within one visit at University health Services. This individual had profound trauma as a kid, including RAD/ dissociation, and had shown no gender discomfort prior to suddenly announcing transition at age 20. Further, this person's instagram is full of girly/glam photos literally up to a few weeks ahead of the announcement of being trans, that are still up... ie, no intense discomfort in natal sex. (I do see intense discomfort withiin the *self* due to trauma.) But a gender therapist practicing "affirmation" does not delve into this.
"Do No Harm" is a medical principle that is NOT being followed when youth with serious very early life trauma present themselves at health services in emotional pain. All "dysphoria" is lumped into gender dysphoria now.
Further, it is tempting for a very hurt person to get some shots and a surgery in the vain hope that will help the psychological distress of having been hurt and abandoned. Trans becomes a "designated issue." Medicating and sterilizing and body modifying these youth with NO exploration of the etiology of trauma is CRIMINAL.
In severe childhood trauma with secure base distortions and compensatory reactive flight / flight / freeze / submit responses, dissociation is very, very real.
I would like to know a lot more about how serious early onset childhood dissociation resulting from attachment and secure base distortion with those compensatory fight / flight / freeze / submit responses presents in the developing human psyche and we just don’t get the lectures or the training on this.
Structural dissociation is very real. I have seen it with my own eyes and lived with it. I want knowledgeable scientists like Dr. Bruce Perry to give us some real lectures on how it presents in the adolescent and the young adult.
It should never be considered an anathema for adults who care for children to ask questions and seek honest, scientific answers.
If the incidence of childhood trauma is very high in Trans-presenting youth (which it is-- the foster population has a very high number of trans youth) then we need to consider that being transgender may be the result of early life trauma, not "innate" gender identity. That might explain the rapid rise in trans presenting youth today.
I agree with Laura.
Sexual Identity was a huge problem for my brother and my husband. My husband has wanted to be a girl most of his life and my brother just has no idea what he wants or who he is because it seems that what happened to him totally stole his concept of identity. We grew up with absolutely no boundaries between our parents and us. All three of us were involved in the child welfare system. They both have ACE Scores above 7 as do I. My father and other relatives were serious despicable abusers.
I did not want to undergo puberty because of what my dad was doing to me. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed not to develop any secondary sex characteristics. I spent so many hours every single day begging God to save me from this monster. I did not want to be a woman and be stuck with that man while my mom did nothing to stop him.
Maybe this is just something that happens in my small world and is just my anecdotal lived experience, but certainly, before we do massive surgeries on young children or give young children compounds that will affect their growth and development, research needs to be done. We are here to prevent childhood trauma NOT further traumatized abused young people. Where are the reasonable doctor voices? Where is the data? Vulnerable Lives are at stake.
Just my two cents.
Every person I know who identifies as trans had to go through intense counseling before being allowed to go on hormone blockers. Therapy is necessary to tease out gender identity issues from childhood trauma issues. Has anyone considered that more people are coming out as trans because they are starting to see acceptance for who they are? Remember, we have ALWAYS had trans and nonbinary folks among us, they just had to stay closeted because our social norms discriminated against them, much like gender nonconforming and queer folks. We have always been here, with or without high ACEs, and it makes me happy to see when younger folks are comfortable with expressing themselves, because I didn't have that as a youngster, just self-loathing for not fitting in on top of dealing with tremendous amounts of trauma. Please educate yourself and talk to trans and queer folks before assuming that gender identity, sexual orientation, and gender expression that falls outside out society's "norms" is all related to childhood trauma. Please don't pathologize a normal variation of being human, that just does more harm to already vulnerable youth. Take time to listen and have them talk to a therapist who is knowledgeable about trans and queer identities, a knowledgeable therapist can help them work through everything and figure out what is going on, perhaps leaving room for an unsettled identity and being ok with that.
If the incidence of childhood trauma is very high in Trans-presenting youth (which it is-- the foster population has a very high number of trans youth) then we need to consider that being transgender may be the result of early life trauma, not "innate" gender identity. That might explain the rapid rise in trans presenting youth today.
I agree with Laura.
Sexual Identity was a huge problem for my brother and my husband. My husband has wanted to be a girl most of his life and my brother just has no idea what he wants or who he is because it seems that what happened to him totally stole his concept of identity. We grew up with absolutely no boundaries between our parents and us. All three of us were involved in the child welfare system. They both have ACE Scores above 7 as do I. My father and other relatives were serious despicable abusers.
I did not want to undergo puberty because of what my dad was doing to me. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed not to develop any secondary sex characteristics. I spent so many hours every single day begging God to save me from this monster. I did not want to be a woman and be stuck with that man while my mom did nothing to stop him.
Maybe this is just something that happens in my small world and is just my anecdotal lived experience, but certainly, before we do massive surgeries on young children or give young children compounds that will affect their growth and development, research needs to be done. We are here to prevent childhood trauma NOT further traumatized abused young people. Where are the reasonable doctor voices? Where is the data? Vulnerable Lives are at stake.
Jane StevensPublisher, ACEsTooHigh; founder, PACEs Connection
Tags can be misinterpreted, because they're out of context. I removed them. I suggest that a transcript of the speech be added to the post, so that context can be provided, and discussion about this can proceed about the content.
If the incidence of childhood trauma is very high in Trans-presenting youth (which it is-- the foster population has a very high number of trans youth) then we need to consider that being transgender may be the result of early life trauma, not "innate" gender identity. That might explain the rapid rise in trans presenting youth today.
There is a difference between recognizing oneself as gender nonconforming and recognizing oneself as trans. I'm glad this speaker figured out her own gender and sexuality, but she then goes on to say incredibly transphobic statements and apply her own journey to everyone else. This is erasure of people who are trans and not just gender nonconforming.
Perhaps listen to her story again?
The very point is that as a gender non-conforming child she was pushed into the "Trans" category. Encouraged to bind her breasts, which is incredibly painful and causes a great deal of damage to the body, and even makes it difficult to breathe. We understand that foot binding in other cultures is abuse, why do we encourage breast binding in our culture? That she was pushed to harm her body, to deny her own sex, to deny her actual identity, simply BECAUSE she was a gender non-conforming child is the point. It is very easy to try to silence these survivors with accusations of "transphobia", but what if instead we actually listened to them and tried to understand their experience? What if instead of blaming the victim for not being able to "figure it out" we actually try to prevent it from happening to other children?
I did listen to her story. I'm not trying to silence her story about HER OWN journey to understand what was going on. Sexual orientation, gender expression, and gender identity are all separate aspects of being human.
Jane StevensPublisher, ACEsTooHigh; founder, PACEs Connection
Actually, nicotine works well to reduce anxiety, and methamphetamines reduce depression. They work, which is why so many people use them. But they also harm, as we know, through their impurities, delivery mechanisms, and overuse, which is due to our systems not addressing the root of the problem. People have been saying for a very long time that the "fix" isn't the answer, but our medical and mental health culture still isn't oriented to addressing the roots of our anxiety, depression, etc.
But we're workin' on it, and making slow progress!
I would like to see all the research papers about the effects of puberty blockers on kids. Where is the data and where is the data on rates of detransition? I really do not see how doctors or health care providers can give any advice about these things because we are totally clueless. Once upon a time doctors recommended Lucky Strikes as the best cigarette to calm the nerves and once upon a time doctors prescribed methamphetamines for depression. We were wrong then - what are we now?
There is a difference between recognizing oneself as gender nonconforming and recognizing oneself as trans. I'm glad this speaker figured out her own gender and sexuality, but she then goes on to say incredibly transphobic statements and apply her own journey to everyone else. This is erasure of people who are trans and not just gender nonconforming.
Perhaps listen to her story again?
The very point is that as a gender non-conforming child she was pushed into the "Trans" category. Encouraged to bind her breasts, which is incredibly painful and causes a great deal of damage to the body, and even makes it difficult to breathe. We understand that foot binding in other cultures is abuse, why do we encourage breast binding in our culture? That she was pushed to harm her body, to deny her own sex, to deny her actual identity, simply BECAUSE she was a gender non-conforming child is the point. It is very easy to try to silence these survivors with accusations of "transphobia", but what if instead we actually listened to them and tried to understand their experience? What if instead of blaming the victim for not being able to "figure it out" we actually try to prevent it from happening to other children?
There is a difference between recognizing oneself as gender nonconforming and recognizing oneself as trans. I'm glad this speaker figured out her own gender and sexuality, but she then goes on to say incredibly transphobic statements and apply her own journey to everyone else. This is erasure of people who are trans and not just gender nonconforming.
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