How Caribbean Parents Can Hurt Their Children

Growing up in the Caribbean (Trinidad and Tobago) in the 1970s - before the age of enlightened parenting - meant that I was raised in a strict culture. Whenever there was an infraction by us children, there would be verbal and often physical "retribution".

This culture did not only exist in the immediate home but also extended to our visits to our grandparents. (It was easy to understand where my mother had received her parenting style when I witnessed my grandmother disciplining me and my cousins.)

But it did not end there as if our family line was unique on the island. From most Trini homes, there could be heard the shouts of angry parents, the wailing of physically chastised children, and an air of hurt and despair as we children compared our welts in private. Sometimes the words spoken were even more painful and took much longer to heal than those welts. That the persons who gave you life would demean you in such a manner (often publicly) undermined self-esteem, and could prompt thoughts of suicide even in pre-puberty kids.

Words of affirmation were rare, often reserved for occasions when we received very good grades in Term tests or excelled in some sporting endeavour to the pride of our parents. Whenever they were given, we received them like precious drops of water to a stranded desert wanderer and they gave us the impetus to go on, smiles plastered broadly across our faces. Those words could make us forget about the physical and verbal abuse, life's disappointments, feelings of not being wanted, loved, or being "enough". That is until those sentiments were expressed again.

Over the years, I have come to appreciate the value of speaking comforting words, words of encouragement, and swallowing what may be coming out of my mouth in the event it hurts the hearer. I am very much a work in progress in this regard, however, because words of affirmation are not my first culture.

May our Caribbean parents, teachers, and caregivers learn that the things we say have the potential to empower or demean our children. Watch the video below, Eight Toxic Things Parents Say To their Children, and seek to change what and how you speak to those for whom you give care.

The link to the video is here. If you read the comments to the video on YouTube, you will see some heart-breaking remarks from hurting children and adults who were on the receiving end of toxic words.

But all is not lost because ACEs are a fact, not a fate. There is always Hope. So let us commit to speaking Hope, Love, and Healing to our loved ones!

If you would like information about the ACEs Caribbean Community or wish to join this Community, please reach out to me via email at acescaribbean@yahoo.com. I am always happy to help out. Bye for now!