Remembering past trauma begins the “re-membering” process of taking our fragmented pieces and putting them back together. This applies to individuals with trauma, as well as the collective traumas we experience in societies and our world. Remembering trauma is a growth process because the memories open the door to putting all the pieces together which leads to our healing.
We know that our physiological reactions to trauma are held in our bodies and DNA. As individuals, before we can begin the healing process, we need spaces that feel safe and thus allow trusting relationships. Years ago, we believed that therapists should be the non-biased entity in the room simply reflecting back emotions and thoughts. Now, practice has revealed that the therapeutic connection and the reciprocity in the relationships is vital to the ability to heal because it allows both people to feel less vulnerable and more secure.
Once safety is established, the focus should be to create a space between the past and the trauma and the present safety- in that exact moment. This is done through regulation including grounding and mindfulness practices. These practices allow the person who is having physical reactions as they remember past traumas to focus on the present and bring themselves back into the present moment. Once they feel that sense of control over their ability to be able to move between space and time and bring themselves back to the present and calm their body (or arouse their body if it goes into a dissociative state) remembering may occur more freely. Trauma keeps us from remembering parts of our life and ends up fracturing how we see ourselves. Once a trauma survivor has the ability to feel safe and control in their life, they can remember and explore what happened, then begin to recognize all the parts comprised within their identity-both the needs and the strengths. The fractured sense of self becomes more whole as more memories become exposed. Remembering begins a growth process of re-membering the different parts of life that create who we are.
That is a very simplified overview of the groundwork that should be the foundation of what may be a long, complicated process.
There is a mirroring between individual healing and collective healing. Healing from collective trauma or historical trauma may actually follow a similar process. The past is held in our DNA in our body. Collective and ancestral or historical trauma is the accumulation of many people’s traumas combined and compounded within us and around us. When we become more attuned and more aware of collective and historical trauma, we open up another layer of possible healing.
Creating safe places and relationships with groups of people can be difficult. When that does not happen, we often fracture off and stop talking about ongoing or past situations that are painful to confront. We begin to splinter off into different sections as a society or community which can lead to polarization. Instead, we need to create safe spaces and places where we can have conversations about trauma so we actually build relationships, hear and listen to all voices to bring back or integrate the cultures that were (and are) dominated or oppressed. Doing this allows us to collectively, as a community and as a world, recognize and accept all people as being part of the unified, whole identity of who we are. It creates strong relationships and belonging which leads to healing.
We have to actively support safe spaces where people can come together and begin to feel like they are part of the solution. Safe places recognize when discord or feelings arise that create conversation or behaviors that are confrontational. This confrontation is a sign that we have reverted back to the past and are reacting from that time and place of trauma. At that point within the group, we need to stop, ground ourselves in the presence and realize that we are here because that discord occurred in the past. We are here to try to move forward from that time and place to heal relationships. Continually grounding people back in the presence of safety in the here and now will strengthen that relationship and create belonging. Not only do we use this process with an individual but also with groups to build relationships in a space where healing can occur.
Again, that is a very simplified overview of the groundwork that should be the foundation of what might be a long, complicated process. Individual and collective trauma is created by disruptions in relationships with ourselves, others and society. Healing must occur within those relationships.
We need to acknowledge not only the suffering of trauma but also the resilience or growth that came from those challenges. We want to recognize the entire impact the past may have on individuals and our society. It is important that we confront our personal and collective histories and have conversations in spaces that feel safe. We can then identify, appreciate and integrate the different aspects of ourselves and our society in order that healing -on so many levels- can begin.
By re-membering fractured parts of our past, whether personal or societal, we are creating a stronger sense of acceptance that leads to a stronger sense of belonging. We become more aware of and more a part of “the whole.”
This blog and the concept of “re-membering” our parts in order to integrate into a whole were cultivated and inspired by a recent webinar conversation between Fleet Maul and Thomas Hubl regarding resilience.
Written by:
Cheryl Step, MS, LPC, NCC, NCSC
Trainer/Consultant
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