In honor of mental health month I ask myself this question: What is something you need to start saying “yes” to?
To most individuals the answer is very simple; minute. Unfortunately for an over thinker and self-doubter like I this is a loaded questions which constitutes a complex answer. My old self wants to run as fast as I can and hide until the question goes away, but the new me is ready to face it head on. So here it goes. I need to start saying yes to MYSELF!
Over the past few months, ACE’s has been the most uncomfortable and triggering topic to learn and discuss. For anyone who has attended the ACE Interface training you know it’s no possible way you can leave the same way you came. With each new lesson you unconsciously begin to self-reflect; at least that was the case for me. I remember speaking with a good friend of mine after the last training and I blatantly said to her “Yo, these past three days just made me realize how broken and damaged I am”. She was a bit taken aback by my comment, but curious on why I felt that way at the same time. As we continued our conversation I just began to pour out all the things that I was feeling. Anger, overwhelmed, burnt out, impatient; those are just to name a few.
This wonderful friend of mine had already embarked on her journey of self-healing, self-discovery and saying yes to herself; and was very willing to share some of the tools she’s learned with me as I struggled to start my journey. As our conversations deepened around family, upbringing and Black society, I suddenly had my “ah ha” moment. Everything I was feeling, all my triggers were stemming from the generational embodiment I experienced as a child. I come from a long line of strong black women. We have to keep it together for the family. We suppress how we’re feeling mentally, physically and emotionally because there are too many things that have to get done. We have to make sure the kids are good, make sure the house is cleaned, make sure all the bills are up-to-date, make it to work on time, be there for others when needed; but we never ever offer much to ourselves.
I watched women in my family move through life like a routine having sporadic moments of genuine fun and relief. I thought about my grandmother and great-grandmother, who even while they were near their last days were worried about making sure the grands and great-grands were “okay”. As I began to unpack every piece of the memories good and bad reality hit me. Yes I am a strong Black woman and I am breed from a long line of them, but that doesn’t mean I have to follow the blueprint laid out for me.
Now I don’t want anyone reading this to think I resent or regret how I was raised because that it far from the truth. In fact, learning about ACE’s made me appreciate every lesson, morals and values even more that were instilled in me. As I begin my journey of self-healing and self-discovery I’ve learned that wonderful word, BOUNDARIES! I’ve began incorporating boundaries more often now so that I can say yes to myself.
Author Eleanor Brown once said, “Rest and self care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” These are the most powerful words I’ve heard within the past few months.
So there you have it. Saying yes to myself is the core of my resilience.
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