As I write this, we are one week away from the 2024 U.S. presidential election, the polls are tied, the country is extremely divided, and each side is passionately – vehemently – convinced that they are right.
Fear is in the driver’s seat; early voting lines are long; one side is going to be devastated on 11/6/2024 (or whenever the election is called) and fear will likely continue as fallout from the election ensues.
Challenging times are these . . . so, regardless of your political leanings, what’s getting you through? Do you have a plan in place to manage your thoughts and emotions next week? Here are some practices that are helping me to take a “resiliency pause”:
- Shift your perspective. Zoom out to a future point – a year from now, 10 years from now – whatever gives you space to look back at this moment in time, and ask yourself, what will I be thinking then about this election? I’ll be alive; I’ll have learned lessons – can I imagine what they are? Alternatively, if the future is too unwieldy, zoom in – way in – to this moment right now and check in with yourself. I am breathing. In this moment, I am okay. Inhale, then exhale slowly, longer than the inhale, to remind yourself, in this moment, you are safe.
- Co-regulation is as necessary as water and air. Who in your life is the calm for your storm? To whom do you turn when you can’t take it anymore? Can you be with that person (or animal) on election evening? The COVID-19 pandemic made many of us feel that we needed to cope alone, but we are wired for connection and for physical proximity to others. This doesn’t look the same for everyone – for extroverts, it might be joining a watch party while for introverts, it might be watching (either in-person or through technology) with one other person. This is an invitation to be intentional about it.
- Set boundaries. Make a list, or a diagram, of things you can control and things you can’t control – for those you can’t control, put them in a bubble and let them float away. If racing thoughts are your nemesis, give them structure – for instance, tell yourself that while you are on your drive to work your mind is allowed to race about “x” subject – but once you step out of the car it’s back to the present. Seeing your thoughts as separate from you and recognizing that all thoughts aren’t true can help with this practice. If unhealthy substances (alcohol or food, for instance) are your stress “go to”
– set boundaries with those. I have a friend whose rule is – no drinking alone, no drinking on weekdays. It’s a rule, so it’s not an option – and that works for her.
- Choose joy (or awe, hope, gratitude). Positive emotions trigger happy chemicals in our bodymind and remind us that all is not lost, even though that’s the message we are receiving from social media, the news, and sometimes, even from friends and family who are also steeped in their own stress response. What small act brings you joy? Is it nature, a child in your life, a pet, coffee in your favorite spot? Perhaps it’s a song, some poetry, or a beautiful piece of art. Make a point of generating positive emotions in yourself, put it on your calendar to experience at least one of them every day. Need help with this? Check out the Duke Center Well-Being Tools.
- Practice radical acceptance. Banish any sentences that start with, “what if,” or “if only,” and trust your resilient human spirit to accept what’s actually happening – not only what the election results are, and what others’ responses are, but naming and acceptance of whatever emotions are arising in yourself. American culture tries to avoid emotional distress at all costs – we don’t know what to do with it. But suffering is a part of the human condition and there’s healing power in letting yourself be fully present, embodying the emotions arising in you. Allowing yourself to notice where in your body you feel them, and to breathe through your emotions, often brings dissipation of their intensity. An important caveat to this is to recognize that no feeling lasts forever – it too shall pass.
- Movement is medicine. What physical movement brings you pleasure? (Note that I don’t say exercise) We evolved to be in motion, and movement releases the trapped energy of anxiety and tension. When in doubt go for a walk, give yourself a good stretch, or put on some music and dance. We don’t need to sit in front of screens for hours, especially on election night. We can choose to walk away, to remind us that we are separate from this – go for that walk with your dear one and be present to the beauty before us, whether in nature or a cityscape.
What works for you? I’d love to hear about it at Rebecca.bryan@dcf.nj.gov.
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