Even if someone with an identified trauma history is privileged to have therapy and other mental health support, their partners, friends, and other loved ones tend to be their primary support system.
These 5 tips could help:
1. Listen. Often we worry that we need to have the perfect thing to say or some other insightful response, and then get tripped up in thinking of something to say. In reality, just listening reflectively shows much more support than most responses. Showing some eye contact (if this is comfortable for your relationship dynamic), nodding, and staying silent while they talk will show that you are invested in listening to their words. Be willing to ask questions and learn, instead of educating or telling them about your own story or "someone who I know who..." The same goes for telling people "I know what you mean because ___ happened to me." While some people may find this supportive, most will probably find it dismissive of their feelings, even if your intentions were to be supportive. Listening is a small gesture that can go a long way.
2. Validate them and their experiences. People who are survivors of trauma have a history of being invalidated, dismissed, and not believed. They were quite possibly blamed for the events that took place, or they carry internal blame and shame if these events occurred in childhood. Simply believing them and showing empathy can make a huge difference in how supported they feel by you and their willingness to open up to you.
To read more of Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS, article, please click here.
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