The science of psychological flexibility, which is explained in more detail in my book A Liberated Mind, can help. Over the last few decades, thousands of scientific studies have focused on a small set of mental skills that have a big effect on whether people can rise to life challenges. And most importantly they can be learned.
1. Choose to feel.
Loss is a rich soup of emotions, sensations, urges, and memories. Make room for them all. Research shows that people who respond to loss with tears and laughter; mourning and honoring; missing and appreciating, are more likely to recover and even prosper. Post-traumatic growth is real.
2. Notice your thoughts, but choose which thoughts to follow.
Bring your wiser self into the room, and watch your mind try to deny, blame others, withdraw, or force a silver lining.
3. Attend to what is important here and now.
As you begin to take in the loss, direct your attention to what's actually important in the present moment.
4. Connect in consciousness with others.
Such moments were your invitation to join the human community, and in times like these, we need those moments of love and connection more than ever.
To read more of Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D.'s article, please click here.
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