As we grow up, we have to rebuild relationships with parents: to get out of the usual adult-child paradigm and learn to speak as equals. At this stage, it is easy to distance yourself from them and lose understanding. We will tell you how to communicate with your parents when you are no longer a child.
Talk to them as adults, not as parents
If you are angry that your parents still communicate with you like a child, try changing your style of interaction with them. Evaluate how independent you are: as long as your mother knows that you are not able to cook dinner, make an appointment at the clinic or pay the rent without her help, she is unlikely to start communicating with you on an equal footing. It's great that you can count on support from your parents, but when you abuse it, don't be surprised that they interfere in your life without asking. If you have gained independence, but the attitude towards you has not changed, start setting the tone for your communication yourself. Talk to them as with other adults, and not as with mom and dad: correctly explain your point of view, listen to their arguments, do not dismiss, and do not lie in order to quickly end the conversation. Don't come to a common decision, say you're sorry, but you will stick to your point of view - this is what adults do.
Take time to communicate without a reason
Strive to ensure that your communication goes beyond the discussion of everyday problems. Take an interest in mom and dad as independent individuals, and not just the people who raised you. Find out what films they like, what they are interested in, what worries them. When all the dialogues revolve only around the family, this sets a certain scenario, where everyone plays the given roles - mom, dad, daughter. Why not try to talk to them the way you chat with a friend or an old acquaintance: about various abstract topics, dreams, and observations. Surely here, too, parents will not be able to resist advice and guidance, but treat this with understanding - long-term habits will not disappear from one healthy conversation.
Set boundaries
Healthy communication always starts with boundaries, whether it's friendly, romantic, or related. In relation to your parents, you yourself have to set the rules and separate your personal life from yours - for many years from the very birth you were under their constant control. Decide in which areas of your life you would not want to interfere with your parents: career, relationship with a partner. When you notice that they are once again entering your territory, talk to them about it. Be nice, soft, talk about yourself, don't blame them. Most likely, they will not immediately accept your boundaries, and you will have to return to this conversation more than once. They may be offended by your request, but this is not a reason to give up your comfort zone. Setting boundaries is difficult, long, and painful, but ultimately it will make your life easier.
Share your problems
In the struggle for independence and personal boundaries, it is easy to bend and completely remove your parents from your life. If you want to stay close, don't be afraid to be vulnerable sometimes. Share any concerns, concerns, or thoughts. Then your parents will feel that they are still important and necessary people in your life. Maintain space for confidential communication between you.
Use humor
It's good if irony is your family trait, but in any case, you can maintain a positive attitude in family communication. Humor can help you survive awkward conversations and smooth out conflict. Share jokes, funny life stories, bright moments. Laughter unites and helps to stay in closer relationships.
Deal with old grudges
Family is the most difficult category of relationships. Too much time together, interdependence, unspoken childhood grievances. If every conflict of yours brings up all the accumulated emotions in your memory, you should definitely work through the old traumas. Try going to therapy with your parents, or do it alone. To understand family relationships, you need an independent side, and it is better that this is a professional therapist.
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