Excerpt from article by Hllary Jacobs Hendel:
Think about what it feels like when you are terrified. Do you feel like learning, engaging in life, socializing? No! When children and adults alike are terrified, we want to run away, hide, and find safety again as soon as possible. When we are scared, we feel vulnerable and insecure. After a while, we feel hopeless, numb, even dead inside. Depression, chronic anxiety, substance abuse, isolation, and aggression, all constitute symptoms of traumatic stress.
Here are 7 ways you can help a child experiencing traumatic stress:
1 – Be there.
John Bowlby, the father of Attachment Theory, taught us that children need to feel safe and secure to thrive. It may seem elementary, but the first aspect of creating safety for a child is being there to establish a soothing connection.
Children with traumatic stress are scared, even if, like bullies or otherwise aggressive children, they don’t appear so on the outside. Even when there is push-back from the child, simply having someone in the room can be a comfort. Being alone heightens fear.
2 – Be quiet and gentle.
Children suffering traumatic stress are fragile and prickly due to their hyper-aroused nervous systems. We live in a left-brain dominant culture. This means we don’t talk nearly enough about conveying emotional safety through right-brain communications, the non-verbal cues we unconsciously pick up from one another. These include tone of voice, eye contact, and body language.
Adults should strive to speak in a gentle, calm voice with soft eyes and slow movements to avoid jarring or startling a child. Think about how you like to be approached when you are upset.
3 – Play with the child.
Play feels good for all people, no matter their age. According to polyvagal theory, play stimulates the social engagement system of the vagus nerve, the body’s largest nerve, and therefore relaxes the entire nervous system.
Play helps a child feel better and calm down, in part because it involves so much more than a game. It fosters safe, positive connection through movement, smiling, and speaking with a cheery and playful tone of voice. All of this calms a child.
To read this full article by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, go here.
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