Another beautiful offering from one of our members, @Dawn Daum
I worry that my presence and behaviors blindly feed you confusion. How can your mother be so tender at times and yet so distant and cold other times? Why is she ok with snuggling one minute and then the next time you wrap your arms around her, she refuses you and walks away? Your requests for me to just sit with you can be the most challenging moments for me. To sit still and simply embrace unconditional love requires me to be vulnerable. I’m just now learning how to do that.
There’s a reason for all that, baby. I know you sense the jagged pieces that still exist in me. You pick up on the vibes of pain and uneasiness that radiate through me from time to time. I know you sometimes wonder if you cause those waves. You don’t; neither does your brother, or father or anyone else in our present lives. Mommy carries cracks and bruises on her heart as birth marks. These are the result of other people’s decisions, before I was even born.
Domestic violence, physical abuse, sexual abuse, alcoholism, untreated mental illness, abandonment, grief…that is the foundation for which I experienced childhood. I’m doing the best I can to reverse the ripple effects my own experiences sometimes have in parenting your beautiful, innocent soul. Some days are better than others.
Comments (3)