Many of us have struggled with addiction and/or lived with and loved people who are. Maybe addiction impacted our lives as children, adults or both. Maybe we know a lot about addiction or are still learning. This article is written in Q&A format by a writer at The Fix with lived experience. Here's an excerpt.
How do genetics play a role? Why do some people in the same family become addicts while others don’t?
That is the $60-million-dollar question. Science cannot provide a definitive equation to explain how much genetics play a role in addiction and how much is determined by life experiences, but there are many educated opinions. Neuroscientist Dr. Nora Volkow of the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), believes that addiction can be explained by dopamine in the brain. Another addiction expert, Canadian physician Dr. Gabor Maté, believes “emotions are deeply implicated in both the development of illness, addictions and disorders, and in their healing.”
The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD) states that genetics make up only 50% of the risk for alcohol and drug dependence.
For example, if one sibling underwent a trauma and the other did not, that might explain why only one becomes an addict. Another factor may be personality and it’s not clear how much a personality is formed by nature vs. nurture. There are a multitude of studies on this topic, but as we all know, studies need to be studied in order to determine their accuracy. Most studies can present facts in a way that support the author’s hypothesis.
Does sobriety become easier over time or is there always a temptation to use?
That depends on the particular person. I know many sober peeps who gave up drugs and alcohol and no longer wrestle with cravings. That hasn’t been the case for me. When I smell alcohol, I crave it. I’ve made sure to avoid any situation where someone might have cocaine and ask me if I’d like to snort a line. I don’t know how I’d react in that situation and I don’t want to gamble.
There are sober alcoholics who can bartend and people who were addicted to drugs who can deal drugs. That would never be possible for me. My desire to use remains strong. I stay sober by using the tools that I’ve learned and by staying away from temptations.
Why have a child or children when you are more interested in your addiction?
This question made me tear up. It was asked by a woman who is open about having been raised in an abusive alcoholic home. The phrasing relays pain and resentment. Sadly, it is an unanswerable question. Everyone’s situation is different and none of us believe that our addictions will take over our lives and hurt the ones we love. Most parents have the best of intentions for bringing a child into the world. If they are aware of their addiction, they probably don't feel that it will affect their ability to parent. Perhaps the pregnancy was accidental and abortion or adoption did not feel like options.
I have chosen to live child-free for myriad reasons. One of the strongest was the fear that I might pass along addiction, depression and anxiety. For me, it was the right decision. My guess is that most parents do not have children with the intention of treating them horribly and causing them enormous pain, but sadly humans aren’t always equipped to take care of themselves, let alone their children.
Why do addicts drag their families halfway into the grave with them?
They don’t. Anyone who loves someone with an addiction needs to get professional help to learn how to protect themselves and their children. People in active addiction can be out of control and may hurt and manipulate the people closest to them.
Why does someone start?
The reasons are different for each person. For me it was a combination of curiosity and rebellion. I wanted to do what I wasn’t supposed to do, like some kind of rite of passage towards adulthood. I romanticized dead rock stars who’d lived fast and died young. I wanted to die because life felt too hard.
Can an addict see how sick they are when they look in the mirror?
Sometimes, but denial is a large part of any addiction. Many addicts lie to themselves. Most minimize, justify, and rationalize what they’re doing to themselves and others.
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