I've been struggling with how to talk with my daughter about what happened in Orlando. Another shooting. More death. Hate.
She's heard the news. It's been discussed a bit at school too.
But how do I talk to her as my own daughter, in between getting ready for school and dance? What can I say to her about homophobia or even what helps people recover? About what headlines and deaths grab our attention and which ones do not?
I admit I'm at a loss.
I don't have great words or wisdom or even a handle of how to find meaning and hope. I'm numb and also worried.
Worried in part because she's not as shocked by these events as I am. They have been, in her short life, far too common. They are not as shocking to her as I would like. She is not as glued to the t.v. or radio as I am. She is not horrified the way I am.
Are these large scale losses another thing, like technology, that is just a part of what kids grow up with now?
That can't be so - can it? What does that even mean?
And what about all of the people, growing up with constant violence in the family and community?
I know death is a normal part of life - in the big scheme - but not all deaths are normal and natural.
Some death is violent, senseless and traumatic.
It can be prevented.
Though I'm not exactly sure how.
This article isn't about terrorism or homophobia or violence. This article offers no solutions, advice or words to say about the most recent shooting. It's not about violence prevention on any level.
It's about death and the need to think about it. It's a reminder that kids think about it as well even when they don't share that process of processing. Maybe that's what I need to be reminded of.
I know numbness is protective, for a time, at least for me. I also know it's dangerous if it turns to indifference or acceptance. I don't want to accept that things can't and won't change or these mass shootings and violence are just the way life is more and more often and for far too many.
I can't.
Today - all I know - is that at least sometimes - death is stupid.
Death is stupid. Or so says Anastasia Higginbotham, the author and illustrator of a new book for kids with that title. She goes on:
Every life comes to an end. Dying is not a punishment. But it mostly doesn’t feel fair.
It’s a beautiful assemblage of a book — as if Romare Bearden himself rose from the dead and created a sequel to Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Thumbing through it, I was once again reminded of how dumb we are at a grief in this country, generally speaking, and how much we have to learn from even the most basic instincts of children.
Higginbotham, for example, warns her tiny readers:
Beware of the lies.
You know, the ones we tell that we think somehow kids won’t interrogate even though we have every shred of evidence that they are intuitive sleuths from day frickin’ one.
The complete article, written by Courtney E. Martin, here.
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