Forgiveness?

I saw the funniest meme today by Sue Fitzmaurice. I don't know her writing but this made me laugh so hard that I will certainly be reading more about her.

Forgiveness is tough.

As I age I find myself feeling more and more forgiving - and much more often than I did when younger.

When I was younger, it felt like forgiveness was a way of saying what was done (when it came to abuse) or not done (when it come to neglect) was o.k.

It wasn't o.k. as in ideal or healthy or good for me.

I didn't even understand the cultural insistence on forgiveness, which to me, felt dangerous because it meant maybe ignoring trauma rather than breaking the cycle.

But as I age and learn more, I do understand why and how people can both love and hurt children (and adults).  

While not everyone who has experienced trauma goes on to inflict trauma, those who neglect or abuse were rarely raised with an abundance of love, attachment and security.

ACEs have helped me understand the ways those who hurt me were also hurt.  

I'm grateful for that.

It's entirely possible for people to be doing the best they can and for that not to be enough of what's needed.

I get that.

I used to feel that social change and peace about the past were mutually exclusive. And heck, sometimes I still feel that way. But I don't always feel that way and that's something.