This was written by Joyelle Brandt. She is one of the co-editors of the Trigger Points Anthology which is being expanded and re-branded under the name Parenting with PTSD in June. Joyelle and co-editor Dawn (member of this group), will be joining us for a Parenting with PTSD & ACEs chat on June 13th. We'll get to talk more about their website, book, parenting and lives.
Anxiety hijacked my day today. It showed up out of the blue this morning, this frantic, anxious feeling that hounded me all day. Usually I can identify a trigger that brought on an attack like this, but not this time. It occurs to me now that maybe I spent all this time researching triggers in a vain attempt to feel like I had some kind of control over this, and today the universe is laughing at my ignorance. When you live with PTSD, all the controls you try to impose, all the tools you have for self care and regulation mean absolutely nothing some days.
A therapist recently explained to me that there are three elements to trauma: you aren’t expecting it, you don’t know when it will end, and you feel powerless to stop it. She told me that whenever I feel helpless and hopeless this will be a trigger for me. Today on top of my already high base level of anxiety, I was dealing with a toddler whose favourite phrase right now is “I don’t want to!” There is nothing that makes me feel more helpless and hopeless than a defiant toddler.
Things that are hard for me when I have an anxiety flare up:
-trips to the grocery store with my toddler in tow
-dealing with toddler tantrums
-sensory overload (too much noise, stimulation, etc)
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