Skip to main content

Parenting with PACEs. PACEs science & stories. Trauma-informed change.

How Much Free Time?

 

Be There. But Not Too There.

My parents worked. A lot. But they made sure they were home every night, and they were there every morning. And they were very diligent about the important stuff. They checked that I did my homework. But in the hours between getting home from school and going to bed, my sister and I were left to our own devices. So, my afternoons could be spent doing any number of things, from bothering my sister to listening to music with her to watching the Diff'rent Strokes-Facts of Life-Three's Company rock block. That's right: TV is not a bad thing. In a lot of ways, it was my co-parent. But I was never just a passive TV watcher. I was always doing something at the same time, drawing or writing.

That's from the Hamilton creator and star, Lin-Manuel Miranda, excerpted from a GQ article.

My daughter is 13. She likes some alone time and needs and deserves a good, long break from school and dancing. Which she has.

I'm here so she's not alone all day. But I'm working from home. So I'm not super available either. Just physically present.

It's the first week of summer and I'm worrying.

Is she alone too much?

Is she doing enough?

Is she bored?

Am I spending enough time with her?

Now my favorite thing in the entire universe is completely free, bored and unstructured time. To read. To nap. To do not a thing. I don't get enough of this time.

She's got lots of it and also an adult around to drive her to and places and share meals with.

And yet, I fret. Partly because I"m me and partly because it's new to have a teen who isn't totally independent but isn't totally dependent either.

But mostly because ween I was her age, I know what I was doing while my mother worked. I was sneaking booze and adding it to bottled soda which I'd carry with me and in 8th grade, bring to school. Or inhaling food so fast I'm not sure it even hit my taste buds.

It's good to read and be reminded of the need children have for some unstructured time. However, when there's been a lot of neglect in childhood, anything other than super attentiveness can feel like neglect.

Even when it isn't.

This break-the-cycle parenting is tricky business.

Add Comment

Comments (0)

Copyright ÂĐ 2023, PACEsConnection. All rights reserved.
×
×
×
×
Link copied to your clipboard.
×