As a psychotherapist, I’m no stranger to grief—adult grief, that is. I know what it’s like to sit with adults who are reeling from the loss of a parent or child or partner or best friend. But I knew from my training that just as depression often looks different in children, so does loss.
I didn’t have my therapist hat on when my son went through his grief—I was just his mom, muddling through it alongside him. But I did know to look out for certain signs that he might be suffering: being quieter than usual; saying nothing at all about Boyfriend, as if he’d vanished from my son’s mind as quickly as he’d vanished from our lives; being extra sensitive or becoming unusually angry at little things or for no apparent reason (the reason being: grief).
I also knew it was important for me to check in with him about this big change in his life, but also not to hover, not to inquire about every facial expression or mood.
And while there was no way around the fact that he’d feel sad at times, there were also steps I could take to make the process easier, such as making sure our family rituals—pizza night, movie night, Saturday basketball—gave him the predictability he needed to feel safe.
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