Author: To read Abbie E. Goldberg's article, please click here.
The heteronormative family is traditionally gendered, white, and middle- to upper-middle-class, and is characterized by biological parent-child relationships. In turn, people in general are assumed to be heterosexual, expected to marry people of the “other” gender, and expected to procreate with their monogamous, different-gender partners.
LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender [trans], queer) people by their very nature exist outside of the sexual (and perhaps gender) binary and, often, the family binary in that any families they create will be considered “deviant”—that is, if their children are not conceived by a “real” man and a “real” woman in a heterosexual procreative context.
Children with LGBTQ parents are likely exposed to media, including TV and children’s books, that disproportionately represent mother-father families. In turn, as they develop, they become increasingly aware of how their families differ from those most commonly depicted in the media as well as those that surround them in their schools and communities. Also, children gradually develop a sense of whether and how their family deviates from the dominant norm in other ways, such as with regard to racial makeup and gender expression.
My new book LGBTQ Family Building: A Guide for Prospective Parents addresses how to help children navigate heterosexist bias in the world, alongside many other practical tips for LGBTQ readers who are considering becoming parents (or are parents already), such as choosing LGBTQ-friendly health care providers and day cares, or navigating those that are less than LGBTQ-friendly. By preparing children for the biases and misunderstandings they might face, we can help them feel proud, empowered, and loved in the family they have.
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