By Claudia M. Gold, MD,
For the past several weeks I’ve had the privilege of leading a course in Community-Based Early Relational Health. My students come from a broad variety of disciplines- physical therapists, occupational therapists, social workers, home visitors, program director, among others. They are at different stages of their professional lives. One home visitor works with young adults who have recently aged out of the foster care system and are now parents of infants. What an opportunity to break the cycle of intergenerational transmission of trauma.
In addition to traditional lectures rooted in the developmental science of early childhood, the course includes experiential learning. We invite a family with an infant to join us for a 20-minute conversation via Zoom. These families are not patients. There is nothing “wrong.” They are simply volunteers. I invite them to share their story and let us get to know their baby. For my students the interaction serves to demonstrate what I refer to as “bringing in the baby.” Spot lit alongside me while 15 practitioners observe from their squares on the perimeter it offers a live demonstration of listening to parent and baby together. (As always, identifying information is changed to protect privacy.)
Towards the end of the first session, I asked two moms to share with the group one thing they’d most want them to learn. The mom who carried the pregnancy said without pause “to listen.” Reassurance in the face of her experience of physical suffering during pregnancy had left her feeling unheard and alone. She then expressed a wish that someone had told her breastfeeding might be hard. To which her wife wisely added “Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong,” Their 4-week-old son taught us more about the capacity of infants to communicate than days of lectures could convey. While his mother spoke, he locked his gaze on her. As she shared her doubts and worries, he told her with his facial expression and the relaxed tone of his body in his other mom’s arms, “I think you’re the greatest.”
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