Parent coaching allows parents to build a relationship with a coach who will hold a safe space for them and their child(ren). Coaching is based on a trusting relationship and healthy boundaries. Coaches are not therapists. The Coach's role is to listen and improve self-awareness and empower others. How do they do that? Very skillfully, and only when people want to change.
Sometimes when I visit childcare centers, Parents are often blamed for children's challenges; or not giving them healthy food, good sleep patterns, etc. My response is often: "Parents are often living and parenting in a manner which is very similar to the way they (couple) were parented and sometimes because they have experienced adversity in childhood, in a fight, flight or freeze mode that has not been addressed." You don’t know what you don’t know.
Coaching can be offered to parents as a resource. And, just like any service offered, parents have to want it, be able to access it and commit to engaging in the process.
When children “act out” many people in society think there is “something wrong”. That child must have behavioral problems… pediatricians and doctors, teachers and some social workers will encourage parents to go to a psychologist and have their child tested and look for a diagnosis… ADHD, Anxiety, Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome…and sometimes medication will be prescribed. These diagnoses came about to try to label a specific set of behaviors. However, no two children or patients are alike and so treatment results might be disappointing when we go down that road. We are trying to change a child from the outside…
“Be the change you want to see in the world!” said Gandhi. This applies to parenting as well! If the expectation is that children will change their behavior adults will need to change their behavior! It is possible and there is another saying: “When you change your experience of the world around you also changes”. Another Win-Win!
So rather than saying “What is wrong with this child?” try saying “What is happening for this child and how can I change the way I engage with them?
Coaching is different than most services. It is a committed relationship that lasts over time and has conscious guidelines and an established agreement between the coach and the coachee. It is not a one stop shopping experience. The process of change takes time. The process needs to be explained to the client so that they can understand what they are committing to.
When providing parent coaching, there is an opportunity to empower parents to embrace the changes in their developing child, which also allows them to reflect on their own development.
A parent coach can provide the guidance and support needed to figure this out for oneself! There are many books to read and videos to watch but none of them are about each individual parent and their child/ren!
Parents and their child/ren can change from the inside out… and so can their relationship at the same time. Parenting is the most important job in the world! It has the potential to improve the lives of multiple generations. Change can happen more rapidly when all parties are engaged and committed and on the same page.
The investment in parent coaching can change the way we live in the world. Children can feel heard and valued, parents can feel supported and valued. The money spent on testing and trying to figure out what is “wrong” with the child can be spent in creating self awareness and repairing and rewiring the brains of parents and their children. The focus can be on developing the possibilities and living a life from a state of wellbeing.
Diagnoses are band-aides. The experience of becoming aware of how you are responding to your life is healing and builds resilience! If we don’t heal the wound from the inside out it will reopen.
Be the change you want to see in the world! Invest in a committed relationship with a parent coach
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